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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26942023">A Wise Man Once Told Me...Relationships Take Effort</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sistershook/pseuds/sistershook'>sistershook</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comfort Sex, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Misunderstandings, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:09:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26942023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sistershook/pseuds/sistershook</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This work is a modern take on the Shadowhunters universe. It is canon more to the show than to the books. </p><p>This work features Catarina being the friend that all of us need, Magnus Bane needing a hug, Alec jumping to conclusions, and Camille being Camille. </p><p>All grammatical mistakes are my own. This idea came to me on the fly and I needed to write it down. </p><p>Please don't hate me for the first chapter. I promise it gets better in the second one. </p><p>I hope you enjoy reading!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>As a note at the beginning to avoid any confusion. </p><p>This work is not condoning domestic violence of any kind. I am a firm believer in fighting against domestic violence in all its forms. I wrote it into this work as a way to erase some of the stigma about domestic violence.</p><p>If you are experiencing this type of situation or you know someone who is, please get help. I know that's easier said than done, but tell someone, anyone and get help.</p><p>Also, there are mentions of alcoholism.</p><p>If either of the above is triggering to you, please click off this fic. </p><p>That is my PSA announcement. Now on with the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus startled at the knock on the door. He wasn’t expecting any clients today and had been going over session notes and typing up documentation for the last however long. He’d barely noticed when Alec left to head into the office.</p>
<p>Frowning, he got to his feet, answered the door, and was surprised to find. “Camille?”</p>
<p>Indeed, there was Camille Belcourt in the flesh. Still as beautiful as ever, but decidedly unwelcome.</p>
<p>He schooled his face into a mask of indifference. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>She smiled, sharp and full of teeth, “Can’t I just want to see you?”</p>
<p>“You never just want to see me,” Magnus stated flatly. “So, I’ll ask you again, <em>what</em> are you doing here?”</p>
<p>Camille didn’t bother answering, just moved so that she could shove past him into the loft.</p>
<p>Magnus blocked her and said, “I’m not moving until you tell me what the hell you’re doing here. Last time I checked, you said you wanted nothing to do with me and ran off with Sergio or whatever his name was to Slovakia.”</p>
<p>“Oh Magnus, that’s old news.” She said waving her hand in a dismissive gesture. “And it was France. Anyway, if you must know, I’m here to get the things I left.”</p>
<p>“Camille, it’s been months. And you just happen to show up on my doorstep asking for your things back <em>now</em>?”</p>
<p>“There’s no time like the present. Look, I’ll come in, get my things, and then I’ll be out of your hair.”</p>
<p>Magnus sighed, contemplated telling her to fuck off, then finally decided if he didn’t let her in now, she’d keep coming back until he did. And he’d prefer to avoid that drama if at all possible. It was better just to get it over with.</p>
<p>Wordlessly, he moved, letting her brush past him.  It felt wrong seeing her standing in the middle of <em>their</em> living room. A person he’d once known who was now nothing more than a stranger. And like a stranger, she vacillated in the center of the space, uncertain where she belonged or where to place herself.</p>
<p>At one time, the loft had been familiar to both of them. But after the last time that Camille had run off, Magnus had thrown out all of the furniture and smashed all the pictures of the two of them. He’d repainted the walls and redecorated everything. There was nothing in the apartment now that reminded him of her.</p>
<p>“I see you redecorated” Camille commented, her light tone belying the anger Magnus knew was simmering just beneath the surface at seeing the loft so changed. And the pictures of him and Alec probably had a lot to do with that too. Not that he really cared what she thought about <em>that</em>.</p>
<p>“Yes, I did.” He said shortly. Pointing at the sofa, Magnus told her “Sit.”</p>
<p>“I’m not a dog” She huffed, but obediently sat where he’d pointed.</p>
<p>“I’ll be back in a second. Stay there and don’t touch anything”</p>
<p>“Whatever you want darling,” She said smoothly, crossing her legs and giving him what she probably thought was supposed to be a seductive once over.</p>
<p>Magnus gritted his teeth and barely suppressed the shudder at her calling him darling.</p>
<p><em>Bitch</em>, he thought viciously.</p>
<p>Not even trying to be subtle about it, Magnus closed their bedroom door on his way to the spare room. If the door was ajar, at the right angle you could see into the room from the living room. No way did he want Camille intruding on his private space, thank you. Well, any more than she already had that is.</p>
<p>He entered the guest room, although it was more like a storage room with the large amount of random boxes and other assorted things he and Alec had collected strewn over the furnishings. The closet was tiny. It was the only space in the entire room that didn’t actually have anything in it.</p>
<p>Anything except for the small cardboard box shoved into the corner at the bottom of it.</p>
<p>Magnus had put it there on purpose. It was whatever was left of Camille’s things. At first, it’d sat open on his coffee table.</p>
<p>In the beginning, he’d only been able to bring himself to put one or two things into the box at a time. But as time wore on and it became apparent that Camille had no interest in returning, more and more things found their way into it.</p>
<p>Until, one day, Magnus was surprised that he had cleaned up all of her things. That was a hard day. He was pretty sure he’d spent the remainder of it at the bottom of a bottle.</p>
<p>It was Ragnor who’d pulled him aside and gently told him that maybe having the box sat on the coffee table like that wasn’t the healthiest thing in the world. They’d fought, of course. Camille was a tough subject even on one of his “good” days, but deep down Magnus knew that Ragnor was right.</p>
<p>After that, the box had sat, opened, and untouched on the corner of his dressing table. It meant moving his things over, but that wasn’t unusual. He was used to rearranging himself for Camille. Why would it be any different now that she was gone?</p>
<p>Magnus was pretty sure the box would’ve stayed there indefinitely. But then he’d met Alec.</p>
<p>Things had been easier after that and every day that he spent with Alec was a day he didn’t spend thinking about Camille.</p>
<p>Finally, after asking Alec to move in, Magnus refused to allow Camille to have any more sway over his life. He’d moved the box to the corner of the closet and it had stayed there, untouched.</p>
<p>He didn’t think about the box or what it represented after that. For some reason, though, he couldn’t quite bring himself to throw it out either.</p>
<p>Maybe there was a part of him that still missed Camille after all. That nagging doubt had followed him around like a ghost for the last several months. But now, seeing Camille again after so long he realized that it wasn’t Camille that he missed at all.</p>
<p>He missed the thought of her. The person he wished that she was. The good times they had and maybe he wasn’t quite ready to let go of that entirely. But Camille? Who she really was? Magnus was done. So done.</p>
<p>He’d let himself be abused and manipulated way too many times to want to ever let her back in his life. He had Alec who showed him the way that love was supposed to be. Now that Magnus knew that, how could he ever want to go back to someone like Camille?</p>
<p>Kneeling down, he yanked the box out from its corner. It left a shadow behind, an imprint in the dust. Magnus frowned when he saw it and decided that as soon as Camille left, he was going to mop the floor. Even if it meant he had to scrub the hardwood on hands and knees. After this day, he didn’t want any trace of Camille remaining in his – <em>their </em>life.</p>
<p>He heaved the box up. For it being relatively small in size, the box was still considerably heavy. Literally and figuratively.</p>
<p>He carefully wove around the items strewn about the floor as he made his way out into the hallway and back into the living room.</p>
<p>Camille, to his surprise, was still sitting on the sofa, scrolling through her phone and tapping at it absently.</p>
<p>Magnus set the box on the coffee table with a heavy thud. Camille looked up at the noise and Magnus met her gaze evenly.</p>
<p>“There. Now take your things and get the hell out” He was proud of himself for the strength in his voice. And he felt strong for maybe the first time ever when it came to Camille. Alec made him strong enough to stand here and tell her to get out of their home.</p>
<p>Camille pouted, “Oh Mags don’t be like that”</p>
<p>Magnus grimaced, “My name is Magnus. And I will be however I want to be in my own home. I don’t think you’re understanding what’s happening here, Camille. I don’t want you here. I’m not running back to you. So take your shit and get. the. hell. out. of. my. house.”</p>
<p>Magnus made sure to enunciate every single word just in case she didn’t take the hint.</p>
<p>“Oh Mags, you always come running back to me.” Her eyes glittered, black and cold. She drew her bottom lip, painted blood red, between sharp, white teeth.</p>
<p>“Not this time I don’t”</p>
<p>She leaned forward on her elbows, making sure to give Magnus a good view of her cleavage in her skin-tight, red bandage dress.</p>
<p>“Are you sure about that?” She looked up at him from under her lashes.</p>
<p>Whatever she was trying to do, it wasn’t working.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sure,” Magnus said, crossing his arms over his chest and pointedly stared at her face. “Now, you either move or I’m going to make you move.”</p>
<p>“C’mon now, you don’t have the balls to do that”</p>
<p>Okay, that was it, enough. She needed to <em>go</em>.</p>
<p>Magnus reached down and grasped her wrist, ready to haul her up. Not hard, but enough to get her up and out of the loft once and for all.</p>
<p>Before he even knew what was happening, though, he was being yanked down onto the sofa and suddenly Camille was straddling his lap.</p>
<p>Her raven locks hung down like snakes and brushed across his skin like spider webs. The scent of her made his skin crawl.</p>
<p>“Camille, what are you –“</p>
<p>Before he could even finish his sentence, she crashed her lips against his. Because he wasn’t expecting it, her teeth cut the soft skin of his bottom lip.</p>
<p>Blood welled up and he could taste it, coppery and bitter. As bitter as the taste of her that was like poison.</p>
<p>He made no attempt to kiss her back and firmly shoved her off, causing her to land on the ground with an indignant ‘oof.’</p>
<p>A sharp gasp had his head snapping up and there was Alec, framed in the front doorway, staring at the tableau in front of him.</p>
<p>His eyes were wide and hurt. He clutched his briefcase in one hand and a takeaway bag in the other.</p>
<p>“I-I,” He started, then cut himself off. “Nevermind, I’ll just…go”</p>
<p>Alec turned and headed back out the door, descending the front steps two at a time.</p>
<p>“Alexander!” Magnus shouted, jumping to his feet and racing to the front door just in time to see Alec disappearing into the crowd on the avenue. “Alexander, wait!”</p>
<p>Magnus ran down the steps, nearly tripping over the bottom one as he rushed outside. He was barefoot and still in his robe and pajamas, but he just didn’t care as he attempted to catch up with his boyfriend.</p>
<p>But it was too late. Alec was gone.</p>
<p>“Fuck, <em>fuck</em>!” Magnus cursed. A couple passing by gave him twin looks of bewilderment before moving to the edge of the sidewalk to walk around him. He knew he looked like a madman, standing in the middle of the street, barefoot and cursing. But what did that matter, because Alec was <em>gone</em>.</p>
<p>He stood there for a few more minutes, hoping that Alec would turn around and come back to him. But it soon became apparent that that wasn’t happening, so reluctantly, Magnus returned to the loft.</p>
<p>He ascended the steps slowly. He wasn’t at all surprised to find Camille still standing in his living room as if she had every right to be there.</p>
<p>“Get out” He snarled.</p>
<p>“Mags-“</p>
<p>“I said, get <em>out</em>” Something in his tone must’ve made her realize that he was being serious after all.</p>
<p>“Fine,” She said, grabbing the box that still sat on the coffee table.</p>
<p>She paused when she got to the doorway and turned to look at him over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“I’ll leave, but you have my number. I know you’ll be back”</p>
<p>With that, she really was gone. Magnus slammed the door behind her. He couldn’t say that he was sorry to see her go.</p>
<p>He raked a hand through his hair and was surprised when it came away wet. She must’ve really cut his lip then.</p>
<p><em>Bitch </em>he thought viciously.</p>
<p>The first thing he wanted to do was to go to the bathroom and wash the taste of her out of his mouth. But reality came first. And the reality was that Alec had just walked in on him being kissed by his ex-girlfriend.</p>
<p>Not that it was consensual, but Alec didn’t know that.</p>
<p>Frantically, Magnus palmed the pockets of his dressing-gown for his phone.</p>
<p>He found Alec’s contact and dialed. It didn’t even go to voicemail, it just hung up on him. Magnus called again, and again, and again. But there was no answer.</p>
<p>“No, no, c’mon Alexander, pick up your phone” Magnus pleaded. But it fell on deaf ears, there was no one here now but him. And Chairman Meow.</p>
<p>But he hadn’t seen Chairman all morning, so really, it might as well have just been him.</p>
<p>He tried calling Alec several more times after that with no result. Finally, out of desperation, he dialed Alec’s sister.</p>
<p>To his surprise and relief, she answered on the first ring.</p>
<p>“Izzy, I’m sorry to call you like this but is Alex-“</p>
<p>She cut him off “You have a lot of nerve calling me after what you did”</p>
<p>“I know it looked bad, but I can explain”</p>
<p>“You can explain? Explain why Alec just walked in on you and some girl making out in your guys' apartment?!”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t like that”</p>
<p>“Then what was it like, Magnus?” Her tone was saturated with derision.</p>
<p>“Please, just let me talk to him” Magnus begged, “I can explain everything. Just please, Izzy”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s a good idea”</p>
<p>Then the line went dead.</p>
<p>Magnus stared at his phone in disbelief. He tried to call her back but it was the same thing as before. Not even a voicemail to plead his case to.</p>
<p>“No, no, no!”</p>
<p>He didn’t know who else to call. He wasn’t close with Alec’s brother, Jace, and he barely even knew Jace’s girlfriend. He didn’t think that Alec had any other friends and he didn’t know any of Alec’s coworkers.</p>
<p>He stared at his phone and felt tears burning, threatening to fall. He balled his hands into fists and pressed them into the corners of his eyes until he saw stars.</p>
<p>He slid down the front door and sat, staring at the floor, unblinking.</p>
<p>How could this happen? How <em>did</em> this happen?</p>
<p>It seemed that even when Camille Bellacourt wasn’t in his life, she still managed to find a way to fuck it up disastrously. This one, however, might be her crowning achievement.</p>
<p>He remembered that Camille had so often told him that if she couldn’t have him, no one could. He shuddered, recalling several of Camille’s jealous rampages that had sent him to the ER. There was still a thin, white scar above his left eyebrow from the time she’d thrown a wine glass at him.</p>
<p>The cup had hit the wall right next to his head and the shrapnel had cut him before he even knew what was happening. Camille went from raging about him being a whore, to cradling him in her lap and telling him how sorry she was.</p>
<p>Magnus had lied to the doctor about how he got the cut and said he’d slipped and fallen into the counter. He could tell that the doctor didn’t believe him for a second but silently stitched his skin back together and sent him home with a clipped "be back in a week to take the stitches out."</p>
<p>He raised his hand to the barely-there raised strip of skin. Just another reminder of the damage Camille could do. But it seemed like she could wreak emotional havoc too.</p>
<p>The pain tearing at him from the inside was just as sharp and burning as the glass had been then. It felt thin, razor-sharp.</p>
<p>The first drop of wetness on his wrist startled him and it was only then that he realized he was crying.</p>
<p>With shaking fingers he unlocked his phone and found Catarina’s number.</p>
<p>It rang two times, then three.</p>
<p>“Please pick up” He whispered.</p>
<p>On ring six, she did, “Magnus? Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>Of course, she would be worried, it was the middle of the day on a Wednesday. She knew that Magnus knew that she was seeing patients until the late afternoon and it wasn’t like him to call her when she was at work.</p>
<p>“Cat, Alexander’s gone. He’s gone” He barely managed to choke the words out through the tight knot in his throat.</p>
<p>It took everything he had not to fall apart right then and there. Although the tidal wave threatened to overwhelm him, he firmly pushed it down.</p>
<p>“What? Magnus, you’re not making any sense. Listen, let me finish up with these two patients and then I’m getting Elle to cover my shift. Just hold on, okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, realized she couldn’t see him, and said, “Yeah, yeah, okay.”</p>
<p>“Okay, just, I’ll be there soon.”</p>
<p>Then she was gone.</p>
<p>Magnus didn’t know how long he sat there, crying silently and staring at the floor. But finally, he just couldn’t sit there anymore.</p>
<p>He got up on shaky legs and shoved his feet into the trainers he’d left beside the door just yesterday. A normal day, a day when he got up earlier than Alec to do his daily run, the same as every other day, except for Wednesday. He’d come back and made them breakfast. And it was all so…normal.</p>
<p>Nothing was normal now. He found his wallet and slid it into the pocket of his robe.</p>
<p>He was pretty sure he really did look like a madman, now. Wandering down the street in his nightclothes, eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed and swaying like he’d had too much to drink.</p>
<p>But this was New York and no one stopped him although they did give him a wide berth as he made his way to the corner store at the end of the block.</p>
<p>No one was there but him, which suited him just fine. He made his way to the back of the store and blindly picked up two whiskey bottles from the top shelf.</p>
<p>He hadn’t had a drink in almost a year. They didn’t keep it in the apartment because Magnus had a problem with alcohol. He’d never made it to any AA meetings, but Catarina and Ragnor had made it very clear that he would drink himself into an early grave if he didn’t get a hold of things. So, he’d checked himself into rehab. Took a leave of absence from work and all of his clients. And most importantly, stopped calling Camille every single day as if she would actually answer.</p>
<p>The clerk didn’t even comment when he rang him up. Just asked for his ID and bid him a good day.</p>
<p>Magnus tucked the bottles protectively under his arm and made his way back to the loft.</p>
<p>Once there, he went to the kitchen and twisted the cap off the first one. Not even bothering to find a glass, he took several long pulls from the bottle.</p>
<p>The burn was a familiar, comforting friend. The kind of friend that coaxed you into doing things you didn’t want to. Convinced you that no one would get in trouble, it was just a bit of fun.</p>
<p>Magnus didn’t miss having that kind of friend. On most days, he didn’t even really miss the alcohol. But today, today he just needed to be numb.</p>
<p>He took another long swig and then another.</p>
<p>Magnus abandoned the other bottle on the counter and shuffled his way into the living room.</p>
<p>He looked up at the pictures on the wall. The little photo strip tucked into the corner of one of him and Alec when they’d gone to Tokyo.</p>
<p>More pictures of them adorned the sofa table and end tables. Pictures taken when Magnus had met Alec’s family. Photos of them at the beach. Photos of them on the Ferris Wheel. A photo taken by Izzy that one time Magnus had gone clubbing with Alec and his siblings.</p>
<p>The pain threatened to take him over again so rather than paying attention to it, he took another pull from the bottle.</p>
<p>He didn’t look at the photos again as he made his way to sit cross-legged on the living room carpet. He reached under the coffee table and pulled out the photo album he and Alec had started. It had pictures of just Alec, pictures of just Magnus, pictures of them together, but also pictures of Alec’s family. The album didn’t have any pictures of Magnus’ family. No, his family had disowned him when he’d come out and his mother couldn’t take the shame of having a gay son and killed herself.</p>
<p>Magnus’ mouth twisted at the thought and he shook his head, trying to dispel it.</p>
<p>He took another drink and flipped the album open. Of course, the first picture it landed on was them on their second date.</p>
<p>It was a selfie, not even a particularly good one. But it was special because it was the first picture taken of them together.</p>
<p>It was only when Magnus felt the first spatter of water on his wrist, that he realized he was crying again. This time, he couldn’t stop.</p>
<p>He wasn’t a loud crier. He’d learned not to be. But that didn’t mean he could stop the wetness leaking out of the corners of his eyes to pool in small puddles on the plastic lining on top of the picture.</p>
<p>He stared at it until it started to blur before he couldn’t take it anymore and hurled the damn thing across the room.</p>
<p>It hit the far wall with a loud bang and fluttered, limp, to the floor.</p>
<p>Magnus stared at where it landed for a second and then tore his eyes away to stare pensively at his hands. They were uncharacteristically bare, seeing as how he wasn’t expecting to go anywhere today. But his fingernails were still freshly painted a bright and frankly blinding shade of pink.</p>
<p>Even that made him think about Alec. He cried harder remembering just two days ago, the two of them in CVS. They had stopped in on their way back from getting groceries. Somehow, Alec had persuaded him to buy another bottle of nail polish, as if he needed anymore. Alec had insisted on picking out the color and Magnus didn’t have it in him to turn down the alarming shade of pink Alec picked up.</p>
<p>He cried thinking about Alec, so persistent and asking him if he could paint his nails. His tongue stuck out in concentration as he applied the polish with delicacy. Gently placing first one foot, and then the other in his lap. Cradling Magnus’ hands on top of his palms as if Magnus was something precious.</p>
<p>The pain was so sharp now, he could feel it clawing at the back of his throat, threatening to rip him apart from the inside.</p>
<p>He swallowed it down with the next gulp of whiskey and the next. He drank until the room started to blur.</p>
<p>That was how Cat found him, staring unblinking into the room, the whiskey bottle clutched numbly in his fingers.</p>
<p>“Oh Magnus, sweetie,” She said, letting her bag drop and crossing the room to take the bottle from his hands.</p>
<p>“No!” Magnus said, trying to reach for it, to get it back. But alcohol made his movements clumsy and Cat had no problem evading him and setting it on the coffee table.</p>
<p>Wait, and how had Cat gotten in here in the first place? Magnus wondered blearily.</p>
<p>“How,” Magnus started, raising a finger as if to pose a question, but he promptly forgot what he was about to say.</p>
<p>“I let myself in, dummy,” Cat said, crouching down to tug at his hands and pull him, reluctantly, to his feet.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, Magnus supposed that made sense. Cat <em>did</em> have a key to the loft as his friend and designated chaperone to Chairman Meow when Magnus or the both of them were out of town.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Cat said, gently guiding him by the elbow into the kitchen.</p>
<p>Magnus let himself be lowered into one of the kitchen chairs as Cat took a glass from the cabinet.</p>
<p>She filled it at the fridge and brought it over to him.</p>
<p>“Drink”</p>
<p>Obediently, Magnus drank the glass. Then the two more that she handed him after that. Only after he refused to drink the entirety of the fourth was Cat satisfied.</p>
<p>She settled herself into the chair opposite him and took his hands into hers. They were delicate, thin-boned, and nimble. A pianist’s hands.</p>
<p>But they were also strong as they clutched Magnus’ hands with a grip that belied the delicacy of them.</p>
<p>“Magnus, what happened? I thought we talked about the drinking thing.”</p>
<p>Magnus’ head still felt fuzzy, but he could at least think a little bit clearer now. Enough to try and explain himself.</p>
<p>“I know,” He said miserably.</p>
<p>“Does this have anything to do with Alec?” She asked, keeping her tone soft and non-accusatory.</p>
<p>It felt like she was handling him with kid gloves, although Magnus couldn’t say he necessarily resented it. He was feeling exceptionally breakable at the moment as if any wrong movement would make him shatter completely apart.</p>
<p>Magnus stared at their conjoined hands, pausing to gather himself before he answered.</p>
<p>“Camille came by the apartment today”</p>
<p>“That bitch” Cat hissed.</p>
<p>Magnus’ lips twitched and in any other circumstance, Cat's unexpected outburst would’ve made him laugh. Now, though, it was all Magnus could do to press on.</p>
<p>“She um, she came by the apartment, to get the last of her things. I don’t even know why I held onto them after so long. I really ought to have thrown them out by now” Magnus paused again.</p>
<p>Cat waited patiently for him to continue.</p>
<p>“She just, showed up out of nowhere” Magnus found himself blinking back tears, “I told her, I told her I would get her things, and then she would have to leave. I went to the spare room and got that dreadful box.”</p>
<p>Magnus stopped again, pressing his lips together so hard that they turned paper pale from the pressure.</p>
<p>Cat’s thumb moved across the top of his hand, soothing him, although she made no move to speak.</p>
<p>“The next thing I know, Camille has me on the sofa and she’s kissing me.” Absently, Magnus drew his bottom lip into his mouth, soothing an imaginary sting that was no longer there. “I pushed her off me, of course I did. But it was too late. I didn’t,” he stopped, continuing in a voice that was barely above a whisper, “I didn’t know that Alexander was going to surprise me with lunch and he saw everything.”</p>
<p>“Oh Magnus”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what he thought Cat. I don’t know. I tried to run after him, get him to come back, but I lost him. I tried calling and, and”</p>
<p>Magnus found that he couldn’t continue as great, wracking sobs shuddered through his entire body. He was crying in a way he hadn’t for years. In a way he hadn’t since his mother died.</p>
<p>But he just couldn’t make them stop. Distantly, he heard the scraping of Cat’s chair as she moved around the table.</p>
<p>She gathered him into her arms and shushed him. Gently rocking him like he was a child.</p>
<p>“Just let it out,” Cat crooned, “I’m here. It’s okay.”</p>
<p>She rubbed soothing circles into his back and smoothed his hair.</p>
<p>He cried until he couldn’t anymore. It didn’t make him feel any better. There was still a yawning, gaping emptiness inside him.</p>
<p>Slightly dulled by the buzz still running through his veins, but there all the same.</p>
<p>Cat wiped his tears with the hem of her shirt and drew him up.</p>
<p>Magnus let himself be led down the hall to the master bedroom. Cat felt him tense up once he realized where they were headed, and redirected her steps to the guest room.</p>
<p>Not even raising an eyebrow at the mess all over the floor, Cat simply moved it with the tip of her shoe and sat him on the end of the bed.</p>
<p>Patiently, she cleared all of the detritus on it and moved it to the dresser in the corner.</p>
<p>She peeled back the sheets before tugging Magnus to his feet.</p>
<p>“Sleep”</p>
<p>“But-“</p>
<p>“You need to sleep, okay?”</p>
<p>“For an hour” Magnus slurred.</p>
<p>Cat shook her head, “If that’s what you want.”</p>
<p>“Stay with me until I fall asleep?” Magnus asked as he climbed into the bed. Thankfully, all it smelled like was laundry detergent. He didn’t think he could bear sleeping in the master bedroom right now. There were too many things that reminded him of Alec in there.</p>
<p>“Of course” Cat settled herself on the edge of the bed and stroked a gentle hand through his hair. She began to hum something softly and Magnus felt himself drifting off to the dulcet tones.</p>
<p>Cat waited until she was sure Magnus was out before she stood up and padded out on silent feet. She was careful to twist the knob to the door so it wouldn’t click when she closed it.</p>
<p>Then, she made her way out to the living room.</p>
<p>She poured the bottle on the coffee table down the drain, did the same thing to the one on the counter, and then tucked the bottles into her bag.</p>
<p>Satisfied, she took out her phone and perched on the edge of the loveseat.</p>
<p>She scrolled until she found Camille’s phone number.</p>
<p>The phone rang two times before Camille answered.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s you”</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s me” Catarina’s tone was clipped. “Listen, I’m only going to tell you once and I’m not gonna tell you again. Stay away from Magnus.”</p>
<p>“You can’t tell me what to do” Camille scoffed.</p>
<p>“I can, and I will. The next time you decide you want to go and screw up his life, I will make damn sure that some interesting photos I have will be ‘accidentally’ leaked”</p>
<p>“Are you threatening me?”</p>
<p>“Threatening? No. It’s a promise, bitch. You stay away from him, or Ragnor and I will make it our mission to make sure they nail you to the wall for all the things you did to him.”</p>
<p>There was silence on the other end of the line.</p>
<p>“You’ve made your point.” Camille sounded like it was physically painful for her to spit it out. “I won’t bother Magnus again.”</p>
<p>“Good, make sure it stays that way.”</p>
<p>Cat hung up the phone and texted Ragnor. She didn’t go into the messy details but told him to have The File ready just in case Camille decided to do anything else.</p>
<p>Magnus had made them both promise not to go to the authorities with everything they had on Camille. It had been all the two of them could do to follow through on their promise. But Magnus had never asked them to not keep documentation about all of the incidences and there were a <em>lot</em>.</p>
<p>Together, they had compiled a dossier as a just in case if Magnus ever decided to change his mind. They didn’t tell Magnus about it, mostly because they didn’t want to bring up painful memories.</p>
<p>If it were up to Cat, though, Camille would’ve paid a long time ago.</p>
<p>Ragnor responded simply with a black heart and Cat smirked. Let Camille try something again because it would be the last thing she would do as a free woman.</p>
<p>That business settled, Camille had a visit to make. She wrote a quick note and stuck it to the fridge in case Magnus woke up. Not that that was likely. He’d drunk himself into a real stupor.</p>
<p>She took the subway and then continued on foot to the old, remodeled church the Lightwood family owned.</p>
<p>It really was a beautiful building.</p>
<p>Maryse and Robert Lightwood ran a martial arts school out of part of the building and kept dormitories and living quarters for their family in the other part of it.</p>
<p>The place was impressive and Maryse and Robert had been able to set up schools all over the world.</p>
<p>But she wasn’t here to take classes, no, she was here to see Alec.</p>
<p>She strode up to the door and rapped her knuckles on the solid oak frame loud enough to wake the dead.</p>
<p>It was Jace, one of the Lightwood’s younger children, who answered the door. He was supposedly very bright, just like Alec and their sister Isabelle. Bright, but purportedly a bit of a slacker. Nevertheless, he was studying at Columbia this fall, as was Isabelle.</p>
<p>“Jace” She smiled brightly “Is Alec here?”</p>
<p>Jace’s brows furrowed, “Um, do I know you?”</p>
<p>“Ah, no I suppose not. You could say I’m a friend of a friend. My name’s Cat.”</p>
<p>“Right, and you want to see Alec?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s about something very important”</p>
<p>Jace nodded, still eyeing her skeptically as he moved to let her past.</p>
<p>“I can um, take you to him. He’s with Izzy.”</p>
<p>“Lead the way.”</p>
<p>Jace kept throwing glances at her over his shoulder as he led her deeper into the building.</p>
<p>Finally, he stopped outside an open doorway and gestured.</p>
<p>“They’re in there”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Jace”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jace mumbled, still watching her as she brushed past him to get into the room.</p>
<p>She saw it was a study or library of some kind. The architecture definitely reflected the fact that it was an old church. Based on that, you would’ve thought tiny angel statues and stained glass were suddenly en vogue.</p>
<p>She saw the elder Lightwood sibling and a young woman who must have been Isabelle with their heads bent close together at one of the long, low tables in the center of the room.</p>
<p>They glanced up when they heard her approach.</p>
<p>Alec’s expression tightened as she let her gaze meet his. “Cat, what are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“What am I doing here? What are <em>you</em> doing here?”</p>
<p><em>Deep breaths Cat  </em>She told herself. <em>No need to get worked up.</em></p>
<p>“What do mean what am I doing here?” Alec retorted.</p>
<p>“Uh, excuse me, but who are you?” Isabelle’s eyes darted back and forth between them, before finally settling on Cat.</p>
<p>“Oh, yes, I keep doing this today. I’m Cat, Catarina.”</p>
<p>“Right. And how do you know Alec?”</p>
<p>“I’m friends with Magnus”</p>
<p>Isabelle nodded, clamping her mouth shut, her expression shuttering.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. It won’t take long for me to say what I have to say.” She took a deep breath, willing herself to remain calm, “Alec, dear, you’re an idiot”</p>
<p>Alec spluttered.</p>
<p>“Hey, wait a minute” Isabelle started, but stopped when Cat raised her hand.</p>
<p>“I’m not trying to be rude, but you <em>are</em> being a bit of an idiot. What exactly did you walk in on?”</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t that be obvious?” Alec asked. “I took my lunch break and I was going home to surprise Magnus. Turns out, I’m the one that was surprised cause he was making out with some <em>girl</em> on our couch.”</p>
<p>Cat sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Nevermind, Alec <em>and </em>Magnus were idiots.</p>
<p>“You mean he didn’t tell you?”</p>
<p>“Tell me what?” Alec queried at the same time Isabelle asked “Tell him what?”</p>
<p>Cat gestured to an empty chair at the table, “Do you mind if I sit?”</p>
<p>Not waiting for an answer, she pulled the chair out and settled into it.</p>
<p>Directing her attention at Alec, she asked, “Does the name Camille mean anything to you?”</p>
<p>“Magnus’ ex?” Alec looked bewildered and confused.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Cat said, “She is his ex. But she’s also a crazy psycho bitch”</p>
<p>“He never told me that,” Alec muttered, and then his eyebrows creased, before a look of dawning realization came across his features.</p>
<p>He dragged a hang across his face as he cursed, “Goddamn it, Magnus.”</p>
<p>“What am I missing?” Isabelle was really lost now. She couldn’t track this conversation one bit.</p>
<p>Cat sighed, “I’m guessing that Magnus never told you. Look, Camille is trouble. I’m not gonna get into all the details because that’s not important. What is important is that she showed up out of the blue at the loft today. Magnus, bless him, was trying to get rid of her by giving her the last of her things. What you walked in on was her forcing herself on Magnus.”</p>
<p>Alec looked horror-struck at her words. Then he jumped to his feet.</p>
<p>Isabelle startled, “What the hell are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Going to see my boyfriend” Alec called over his shoulder as he rushed out of the room. “And to apologize!”</p>
<p>Then, he was gone.</p>
<p>Isabelle stared after him. Then turned her gaze back to Cat as she got to her feet.</p>
<p>“Well, I think my work here is done. It was a pleasure to meet you, Isabelle.” She swung her bag over her shoulder and moved to leave.</p>
<p>She heard Isabelle faintly answer “Yeah, you too” as she passed through the doorway.</p>
<p>Unsurprisingly, Jace was leaning against the wall just outside of the room. She fixed her gaze on him and quirked a brow, “I don’t suppose you could show me the way out?”</p>
<p>Jace reddened at being caught but nodded. “Yeah, um, it’s uh this way.”</p>
<p>She just hoped that Magnus and Alec could work this thing out because Magnus deserved to be happy. </p>
<p>Cat would be damned if Camille would get away with taking away the best thing that had happened to Magnus in a very long time. </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alec and Magnus make up and talk things out.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This took me so long because I had such bad writer's block. I wasn't sure how I wanted this to play out but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. </p><p>Thank you again to anyone who is reading this. As always, any mistakes in consistency, grammar, etc. are my own.</p><p>I hope you enjoy chapter two!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec got back to the loft as quickly as he could. The first thing he noticed was how quiet it was. It was absent of the usual sounds at that time of day. Music playing, just this side of too loud and pots banging in the kitchen as Magnus prepared something way too complicated for Alec to understand.</p><p>“Hello? Magnus?” He called. There was no answer.</p><p>He moved further into the loft, toeing off his shoes at the front door. He checked the living room first. No Magnus.</p><p>Next, he checked the kitchen, but the only thing out of place in there were two chairs pulled out from the table.</p><p>He checked the master bedroom, assuming that Magnus had to be in there. No Magnus. The bed was still rumpled and messy the way he’d left it that morning.</p><p>Chairman Meow was dozing on a pillow, still slightly askew, only flicking one ear back in annoyance at being disturbed.</p><p>Alec made his way to the guest room and gently pushed the door open. Magnus lay in the spare bed, sleeping.</p><p>Alec felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth at how cute Magnus looked. And to think, he’d almost walked away from this man.</p><p>He stood in the doorway for a few moments longer before he moved to sink down onto the edge of the mattress. He smoothed a hand over his boyfriend’s forehead, although Magnus didn’t stir. Alec sighed, Magnus smelled like a distillery, which meant he’d been drinking again.</p><p><em>Shit</em> Alec thought, feeling guilt twist in the pit of his stomach. It had been shocking for sure, walking in on Magnus and Camille like that. But he should’ve known that Magnus would never hurt him.</p><p>He’d made it very clear that Alec was the only one for him, but Alec had run away without even giving Magnus the ability to explain himself.</p><p>Of course Magnus would think that he was gone for good. In his experience, everyone left so it wasn’t surprising to Alec that he’d jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Plus having to deal with his psycho ex on top of it?</p><p>He shook Magnus gently, “Magnus, babe, c’mon, come to bed”</p><p>Magnus blinked sleepy eyes open at him, “Alexander?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s me,” Alec whispered, continuing to caress the side of Magnus’ face with his thumb.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Magnus’ brow was scrunched up in confusion.</p><p>“Cat talked to me”</p><p>“What?” Magnus attempted to sit up, but Alec pushed him firmly down.</p><p>“Shh, hey no, she just talked to me. I came back here on my own.”</p><p>“But why?” Magnus’ voice sounded so small, nothing at all like the loud and boisterous man Alec had fallen in love with. It killed him a little bit to hear that tone, knowing that it was partly his fault.</p><p>“Because I love you.” Alec stated plainly. “And I shouldn’t have run out like that”</p><p>Magnus didn’t reply, but he did turn his face into Alec’s touches, which seemed like a good enough answer as any.</p><p>“Now, c’mon, come to bed”</p><p>Magnus let himself be led into their room.</p><p>Alec straightened the comforter and sheets, folding them down at the foot of the bed so that Magnus could sit on the edge.</p><p>He shushed Magnus’ protests and knelt down to take off his socks before straightening and slipping Magnus’ robe from his shoulders.</p><p>He might be protesting now, but in the morning there would be hell to pay if he found out Alec let him go to bed with them on.  </p><p>After ensuring that Magnus was tucked safely under the sheets, Alec left to get a bucket from under the kitchen sink, a glass of water, and ibuprofen. The ibuprofen and water he put on the nightstand and the bucket went on the floor.</p><p>He left Chairman sleeping on the pillow on his side of the bed, seeing no reason to move him considering Alec wasn’t planning to turn in anytime soon. </p><p>He turned to check on Magnus one more time and found him fast asleep, clutching the pillow above his head between his arms like a lifeline.</p><p>He pressed a kiss to Magnus’ forehead and softly padded out of the room. He knew, based on past experience, that Magnus would be out for the rest of the day.</p><p>That left him with a few things to do.</p><p>He texted Cat first, thanking her for everything. Then Izzy letting her know he was okay.</p><p>From there, he straightened up the loft. Tucking the chairs back under the table and returning the photo album to its proper place.</p><p>He then grabbed his laptop from his briefcase and settled onto the couch to take care of work emails. He let his boss know that he wouldn’t be coming into the office tomorrow and then he emailed Magnus’ assistant, Hector, asking him to rearrange Magnus’ appointments for the next day.</p><p>That taken care of, he cleared the entirety of their calendar for the next 24 hours and finished up the paperwork he hadn’t been able to get to earlier.  </p><p>He periodically got up to check on Magnus and was relieved every time to find him sleeping.</p><p>In that way, he passed the evening in relative quiet. When it was time to go to bed, he followed his usual ritual of arming the security system, locking the doors, and feeding Chairman.</p><p>He took a quick shower before he slid into bed beside his boyfriend. Chairman was noticeably absent because, obviously, food was more of a draw than Alec’s pillow.</p><p>Magnus didn’t even stir when Alec pulled him into his arms.</p><p>He pressed his face into the hollow space between Magnus’ shoulder and neck and breathed in. Yes, Magnus still smelt like a brewery, but underneath that was the sharp scent of his cologne and whatever fancy body wash he used.</p><p>It was a familiar scent, comforting, home.</p><p>“I love you,” Alec whispered. They never went to bed without saying ‘I love you’ no matter how angry they were at each other.</p><p>He closed his eyes and let his breathing naturally fall into the rhythmic susurrations of the gentle rising of Magnus’ chest.</p><p>He woke up in the morning to Magnus frantically pushing at his arms.</p><p>Confused, and still mostly asleep, he let his arms drop.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“I’m late. Shit, I have an appointment at eight and Hector is going to kill me”</p><p>Magnus went to get out of bed but Alec tugged him down.</p><p>“It’s okay. I told Hector to reschedule your appointments for today”</p><p>Magnus turned to face him, “You did?”</p><p>Alec propped himself up on one elbow “Yeah, he said you needed the time off.”</p><p>Magnus’ lips quirked into a half smile, but then dropped suddenly.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I um, I’m just surprised to see you here” Magnus said.</p><p>“Where else would I be?” Alec teased gently.</p><p>“It’s just, yesterday…” Magnus trailed off uncertainly.</p><p>“Was yesterday. We can talk about that later. How’s your head?”</p><p>Magnus grimaced, “Killing me.”</p><p>“Here,” Alec sat up to reach the ibuprofen and water on the nightstand. He pressed both into Magnus’ hands.</p><p>Magnus accepted them wordlessly and took the medication without protest.</p><p>Alec took the empty glass back and sat it on the nightstand.</p><p>They laid back down, Magnus’ head pillowed on Alec’s chest. He opened his mouth, probably to try and continue their earlier conversation, but Alec shushed him.</p><p>“Sleep”</p><p>It could’ve been two or even three hours later when Alec awoke again. This time, the bed was empty, but he could hear the shower running in the next room. Under that was the soft, lilting tone of Magnus singing to himself whatever his new musical obsession of the week was.</p><p>Alec lay there for a second, soaking in the normalcy of the moment before rolling up and out of bed. He found Magnus’ robe where he’d lain it over the foot of the bed and placed it on the hook outside the bathroom door for him.</p><p>He then moved to the kitchen and put the coffee on. He grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and set them both on the counter.</p><p>That taken care of, he turned to the fridge and pulled out breakfast ingredients. Magnus was the real cook out of the two of them, but Alec could at least put together waffles and fruit. Even that he couldn’t burn.</p><p>He was just finishing up when Magnus emerged out of their bedroom, hair still damp from his shower. He made his way into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Alec, hooking his chin over Alec’s shoulder.</p><p>“Good morning”</p><p>“Mm, morning” Magnus replied. “You made breakfast”</p><p>“Um, yeah, I just thought-“Alec stuttered, suddenly unsure.</p><p>He still felt guilty about yesterday and walking out on Magnus like that.</p><p>It didn’t seem like Magnus was necessarily in a bad mood though, and he didn’t seem that hungover either. He must not have drank as much as Alec feared he had. He let his tense muscles relax and leaned back into his boyfriend’s embrace.</p><p>He felt, more than heard, Magnus’ chuckle of amusement, “Relax, Alexander. It’s sweet. Thank you”</p><p>Then the soft, barely there, press of his lips against his cheek.</p><p>Alec felt himself redden and said, “It’s nothing.”</p><p>And it wasn’t, not really, not to Alec.  </p><p>Magnus ‘hmmed’ but otherwise didn’t reply as he poured himself a cup of coffee.</p><p>Alec was relieved that Magnus, even if he wasn’t fully and completely himself, seemed to be better than yesterday.</p><p>He set a full plate in front of Magnus, and took his own place at the table.</p><p>They ate in relative quiet, feet entangled underneath the table. Magnus reading the news on his phone and Alec sneaking glances at his boyfriend when he wasn’t looking.</p><p>It was a game they played often. Magnus would pretend he didn’t know that Alec was staring at him. Alec would ‘sneak’ as many glances as he could before being ‘caught.’</p><p>He just couldn’t help it. He was drawn to Magnus like a moth to a flame. If they were in the same room together, he couldn’t look away from him for more than a few minutes if he tried.</p><p>Magnus’ eyes met his own and he realized that he’d been staring for longer than he thought. He dropped his gaze to his plate but he’d lost the game.</p><p>“You’re staring Alexander”</p><p>“Well, I, um, I” Alec stuttered.</p><p>Magnus seemed amused at his boyfriend’s lack of ability to form a coherent sentence.</p><p>“You know I don’t mind, darling.”</p><p>“Right,” Alec said, flushing. No matter how many times they played this game, he still wound up being incredibly embarrassed at the thought of being caught staring at his boyfriend.</p><p>Magnus arched a brow, “Was there something you wanted to ask me?”</p><p>“Um, I just want to know if, are, are we okay?”</p><p>The words hung in the air between them, the silence stretching and straining like something gossamer and fragile. Or maybe the tension was all in his head. Either way, it was taking his boyfriend an inordinately long time to respond to his question, and well, it <em>was </em>kind of a weighted question.</p><p>Finally, Alec couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p>“I mean, we don’t have to talk about if you don’t want to I just-“Alec started.</p><p>“Alexander” Magnus cut him off, but not harshly. “It’s okay. I knew we were going to have to talk about this, I was just hoping to put it off a little longer. I can’t answer your question without hearing what you have to say first.”</p><p>“After all,” he grimaced, “I’m the one that should be apologizing to you.”</p><p>“Magnus, <em>no</em>” Alec said, shaking his head vehemently.</p><p>“Sorry, I just, you have nothing to apologize for. In fact, I should be apologizing to <em>you</em>. I’m, um, I’m sorry I just walked out like that yesterday. I should’ve known that it wasn’t what it looked like and I should have trusted you.”</p><p>Magnus stared at him with an expression Alec couldn’t quite read. When he didn’t respond after a few more moments of silence, Alec started to worry.</p><p>“Magnus?”</p><p>“I just,” Magnus paused and seemed at an uncharacteristic loss for words, “I guess I didn’t expect you to forgive me”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I forgive you?”</p><p>“Alexander, you walked in on me kissing someone else.”</p><p>Alec snorted, “Yeah, who just so happened to be your crazy ex-girlfriend”</p><p>“I’m taking it Cat told you then?”</p><p>Alec shook his head, “No, not really. All she said was that Camille was a psycho crazy bitch.”</p><p>The corner of Magnus’ top lip twitched in amusement.</p><p>“Well, I guess you could say that.”</p><p>“Magnus, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I mean, I’m here if you want to talk, but don’t feel like you have to”</p><p>“No, it’s okay Alexander. Thank you, but I think you deserve to know at least some of it.”</p><p>Magnus paused and pulled his coffee cup closer to clasp it between his hands. He stared into its caramel-colored depths pensively as he continued.</p><p>“Camille and I met when I was in graduate school here. I was new to the city and didn’t really know anyone besides Cat and Ragnor. I had gone out to a bar with some of my cohorts and there she was. I’d never seen a girl like Camille before and I was instantly drawn to her, but I assumed that she wouldn’t give me the time of day.”</p><p>He took a sip from his cup, “To my surprise, she came up to me and asked me to dance. How could I refuse? She was an excellent dancer and I admit I was charmed. After that, we exchanged numbers and we went on several more dates. I fell for her quickly and I assumed that she felt the same.”</p><p>Sensing Magnus tensing up, Alec reached across the table and tugged one of Magnus’ hands away from his cup to cradle it in his.  </p><p>“Magnus you don’t-“</p><p>“No, it’s okay.” He squeezed Alec’s hand and smiled at him tightly, “I need to tell you this.”</p><p>Alec nodded, and returned the pressure. An unspoken message of I’m here, I’m willing to listen, I’ve got you.</p><p>“For the first few months, everything was great. Then, I’m not sure, something changed after we moved in together. Suddenly, she was this whole other person. At the time, I was working long hours trying to finish my PhD and spending a lot of time in the lab. I assumed the distance was because of that. Then Camille started staying out later, even on days when I wasn’t working. She would cancel plans at the last possible second with no explanation. Whenever she was home, she was never…present. I mean, the signs were all there. I just, I didn’t want to think the worst, but then I saw the text messages on her phone. I mean, we’d only been dating a few months. It just, it didn’t make sense. They went back almost to the first month we’d been together. I was devastated, but I didn’t know how to talk to her about it. I told myself that maybe I’d just been reading too far into things. That I didn’t see what I actually saw. Then, one day, I went to surprise her at work and I found her-”</p><p>Magnus stopped, the words seemingly caught in his throat. His hand curled, nails biting into the soft skin of Alec’s palm. It hurt, but the hurt was minor compared to the pain Alec could see in the deep lines on Magnus’ face and in his eyes.</p><p>He didn’t say anything, he wasn’t even sure if it Magnus would hear him if he did. He was sitting right across from Alec, but a thousand miles away.</p><p>Steeling himself, Magnus took a deep breath, and said, in a voice hardly above a whisper, “I found her having sex with her assistant.”</p><p>The words were saturated with long-ago betrayal and anguish. His boyfriend’s usual timbre taking on a bitter, venomous undertone. A tone Alec rarely ever heard, but it was clear to him that Camille had hurt Magnus deeply. And who wouldn’t have been hurt at something as devastating as a partner who used you? Cheated on you? Took everything you had given them and thrown it away.</p><p>His heart ached for his boyfriend and he wished he could take the pain away.</p><p>Alec felt the fine tremors coursing through Magnus as he struggled to hold himself together.</p><p>“I confronted her later and she just went crazy. She started screaming and throwing things. I didn’t know what to do. That was the first day she hit me. I didn’t even defend myself. I just thought, you know, that once she calmed down that would be that.”</p><p>“That’s horrible Magnus” And it was. Alec stared across the table at his boyfriend, but he was still a million miles away, lost in that fathomless time-scape called memory. He wished he had the words to express the swirl of emotions colliding inside of him, a cocktail of anger, sadness, protectiveness, love.</p><p>But Magnus only sighed, as if there was still some part of him that couldn’t help but blame himself. Alec wished he had the power to confront the self-doubt in him and steal it all away. He couldn’t stand to think that there was even a small part of Magnus that would believe that he deserved any of what Camille had put him through.</p><p>“I don’t know. It’s strange looking back at that time in my life. I was losing myself. I didn’t know who I was. Some days, I would get out of bed and tell myself this would be the day that I would end it. I would be free. But there was always some reason not to. Whenever I’d finally work up the courage, Camille would do something that would make me believe in her, in <em>us</em>, again. She was so good at luring me back in and I was blind to it every time. I knew what we had wasn’t right, it was wrong. The way Camille…hurt me…Nevertheless, I loved her and for that, it seemed I could forgive all her faults – “  </p><p>Magnus cut himself off, inhaling shakily.</p><p>Alec squeezed his hand harder, “None of that was your fault love”</p><p>“It still doesn’t feel that way sometimes, you know?”</p><p>Alec nodded in what he hoped was a sympathetic manner.</p><p>“I mean, sometimes I felt like if I loved her more, or if I could change myself then maybe things between us would have worked out.” He laughed bitterly, “Now, well, now I know that it would’ve never worked. Camille, who she was...”</p><p>He trailed off for a moment, gone to a place in his own mind. Locked in a room where Alec couldn’t reach.</p><p>He wished that he had the key to that door. That he could unlock it and take away Magnus’ pain.  </p><p>But he couldn’t. The only thing he could do was listen.</p><p>It was difficult, seeing his boyfriend, always with a veneer of confidence and charm, shaking apart in front of him. Barely hanging onto his composure, but forcing every word out anyway.</p><p>It was difficult, but Alec understood needing to speak through the pain. To give the darkness a voice, a shape. To call it by name and exorcise it. To revoke the power it held over you.</p><p>He knew the importance of the ritual. So even though it was hard, Alec didn’t speak, just waited for Magnus to continue.</p><p>After a few moments he did. His voice still sotto voce, a whisper curling like black smoke between them. The words as toxic and sickly as the aftertaste of nicotine.  </p><p>“I was so in love with Camille, I didn’t care that I was caught in this vicious cycle with her. She’d bring me flowers or buy me something expensive. Or she would show up to my work just to see me. Small things that would make me think even just for a little while, that she loved me. Once she knew she’d won me over, it would be back to the same old thing. She’d be out with someone else. We’d fight. Sometimes it got violent. And the whole thing would just repeat. For me, I was in love. For Camille, well, I don’t know if she ever truly loved me. It was all just a game to her. She was allowed to do whoever and whatever she wanted. But she needed me under her control. Every moment of every day. Nothing satisfied her if I wasn’t giving her everything. If I questioned her, if I did anything that she didn’t like, she would...hurt me. Sometimes it was mental, sometimes it was emotional. And sometimes…”</p><p>Magnus stopped.</p><p>“It’s okay you don’t have to tell me.”</p><p>Alec could see the first hints of an anxiety attack, creeping up in the way that Magnus’ body was now shaking harder. Hard enough that the coffee in their mugs was trembling as well.</p><p>“It’s okay” Alec soothed. “Just breathe”</p><p>Magnus took a shaky breath as he continued.</p><p>“No matter what she did, I always went back to her. There was nothing she could do that would make me leave. I lost myself I suppose. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t with her. The worst part about it was that I didn’t even mind. Camille was everything to me and I was sure that if I left her, there would be nothing else in my life worth living for. In the beginning, I didn’t believe any of the things that Camille said about me. Somewhere towards the end, I became convinced that those things were all that I was.</p><p>Cat and Ragnor stuck with me through everything. Camille did anything she could to make them leave, but they were too stubborn. They kept trying to convince me to leave her but where would I go? I didn’t know anyone else and I didn’t exactly have a family to go back to. So, I stayed.</p><p>It got to the point where even my boss pulled me aside and well, she wasn’t subtle about handing me a domestic violence pamphlet. I politely returned it to her, assured her that everything was fine, I was just a little tired. It was classes keeping me awake. I explained away the bruises and the doctor visits by saying how clumsy I was or that I’d cut myself while shaving or some other ridiculous nonsense.</p><p>Apparently, everyone knew. I guess I wasn’t that good of a liar. Somehow, it didn’t matter. No one outside of my immediate circle believed that a woman could do what Camille did to me.</p><p>I hated her, but I loved her. I was hopelessly in love with her, and it was killing me. You know, it might have gone on like that forever. Me, giving more of myself to her until I disappeared completely.</p><p>Then one day I left to go to class. I came back later that afternoon and she was gone. There was a note on the fridge, said she’d be back in a couple days. That wasn’t unusual. Camille tended to leave and she’d return when she was ready.</p><p>I knew that that could mean two days or a week. One time it was almost a month. I waited for her every time. Camille was the first person who ever wanted me for me or so I believed. I know now that Camille only wanted someone she could kick around. I was nothing but a plaything to her.</p><p>The only thing that kept me completely from falling apart was my schooling. I threw everything I had into it, every day waiting and hoping that Camille would call, that she would come back to me. But, she never did. After I wrapped up my thesis, I fell into what I guess you would call a deep depression. If I didn’t have Camille or my work to distract me, who was I? That’s when my problems with alcohol got worse.</p><p>Catarina and Ragnor, bless them, saw me through all of it. They helped me crawl my way out of the bottle and convinced me to set up my own clinic. I returned to research part time and I got on with my life.</p><p>Then I met you, angel, and you’ve been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I thought for sure after everything, that I’d finally done it. I’d escaped my parents and now I escaped Camille. Then, there she was, almost an entire year after she’d left and she showed up as if nothing had happened at all. I don’t really know what she was expecting, if I’m being honest. I think perhaps she’d grown bored of whomever she was currently with and she wasn’t expecting me to stand up for myself.”</p><p>Alec blinked back tears. He knew Magnus was strong, but he couldn’t imagine the kind of strength it took for him to have lived such a shitty life with his parents and then gone through everything with Camille and still be sitting across the table from him, talking about all of these horrible things and still keeping his composure.</p><p>Alec knew that Magnus’ life was rough. He knew that not everyone was handed a loving family (more or less) the way he had been.</p><p>But what could he say? What did you say to someone who’d lived through as much as Magnus had? Somehow, “I’m sorry,” just felt too hollow and too light of a phrase.</p><p>Besides which, Magnus didn’t strike Alec as the type of person who wanted pity. He didn’t ask for anyone to apologize to or for him. He was strong, stronger in a lot of ways than Alec could ever hope to be.</p><p>And Alec had never been much of a talker anyway. So, he did the only thing that made sense to him.</p><p>He dropped Magnus’ hand and circled the table to pull his boyfriend into his arms. Even though they were about the same height, Alec still found a way to draw Magnus into himself.</p><p>He wasn’t much of a talker, but he could at least try.</p><p>“Magnus, you have to know, none of that was your fault. There was nothing you could’ve done differently. Camille made her own choices and clearly, she didn’t see you the way that I see you. She didn’t see the amazing, wonderful, incredibly brave man that you are. And that’s her loss. I hate what she did to you.” He said with a vehemence that surprised even him.</p><p>He knew Magnus didn’t need his protecting, but the thought of anyone laying a hand on him made something primal and fierce rise up inside of him.</p><p>“But Magnus, I love you. I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry I made you think for even a second that I would walk out on you. You mean so much more to me than that. And I never, ever want to make you feel like that again. <em>Ever</em>”</p><p>He clutched Magnus to him, trying to communicate through his body language what he couldn’t say in words.</p><p>That was when Magnus started to cry.</p><p>Alec froze, afraid he’d said something wrong, done something to hurt him. He went to pull away, but Magnus pulled him in, tightening his grip around Alec’s waist.</p><p>Uncertain, Alec stroked his hand through the dampness of Magnus’ hair to settle on his upper back, between his shoulder blades.</p><p>“Did I do something wrong?”</p><p>Magnus pulled back to gaze up at him through tear-stained lashes.</p><p>“Oh, darling, I’m not sad. I’m <em>happy</em>. You are just, unbelievable, Alexander. I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve someone like you.”</p><p>“Well, if that’s the case, then I must’ve done something equally as good to have met you.”</p><p>Alec was rewarded by seeing Magnus blush, which was a very rare occurrence indeed.</p><p>“Flatterer”</p><p>Alec grinned, “You should talk.”</p><p>Magnus returned his smile, before his expression dropped.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“It’s just, the whole thing with Camille-“</p><p>“Is ancient history. Look, Magnus, what Camille did was awful and terrible. Including what happened yesterday. Was I happy about walking in on you with someone else? To be honest, no. But now that I know the truth, I am so mad I can’t even stand it. And I’m mad at myself for doubting you. Look, I already told you, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care about Camille and I definitely don’t care about you parents. I’m not in a relationship with them, I’m in a relationship with <em>you</em>. Magnus, when I look at you, I don’t see them. I just see you.”</p><p>“You mean that?” Magnus breathed.</p><p>“Yes.” He said, trying to infuse that one word with as much sincerity as he could, “Magnus, there is nothing you could say or do that wouldn’t make me come back to you. I love you. I love you and I know we haven’t been together for that long, considering, but I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”</p><p>Magnus beamed up at him, “Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me. And, for the record, I feel the same. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”</p><p>He made a face, “Although I’m not quite ready for marriage yet. I can’t imagine what your mother would think.”</p><p>“My mother would have to get over herself.” Alec replied. “But I’m willing to wait however long it takes for you to be ready, if ever. I don’t need a ring on my hand to prove to everyone how much you mean to me. All that matters is that we’re together.”</p><p>Alec leaned down and kissed Magnus softly. Magnus tried to deepen the kiss but Alec pressed a finger to his lips to stop him.</p><p>Magnus almost went cross-eyed looking down at Alec’s finger before looking up at Alec and pouted.</p><p>“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just, I feel weird with” He gestured behind Magnus.</p><p>Magnus turned to see Chairman sitting on the kitchen table and staring at them owlishly.</p><p>He burst out laughing, causing Alec to do the same.</p><p>“Shall we take this somewhere more private then?” He asked.</p><p>“If that’s okay with you”</p><p>“Oh, it’s more than okay with me”</p><p>Magnus threaded their fingers together and tugged Alec toward the bedroom.</p><p>Once inside, Alec turned them so that he could press Magnus’ body into the door. Their combined weight made the door slam closed although the sound of it closing was drowned out by the sensation of Alec’s lips against his.</p><p>The kiss was chaste at first. A whisper of petal soft skin, before the inevitable parting. It left Magnus breathless and wanting more.</p><p>But Alec kept the pace slow as he gradually deepened their kisses. So slow, that the first touch of his tongue against Magnus’ had him letting out an involuntary gasp before he tangled slender fingers into the dark locks at Alec’s nape.</p><p>The kiss turned hard, demanding, needy, a reassurance and an apology all at once.</p><p>Magnus lost himself in it, kissing back eagerly. He felt blunt teeth nipping at his bottom lip and groaned. It was good, so good, and he yanked at Alec’s hair harder when he increased the pressure of his teeth. Suddenly, it was more pain than pleasure and Magnus broke away, surprised when he tasted the metallic, sharp tang of copper.</p><p>Fuck, he almost forgot that Camille had cut him.</p><p>Alec pulled away, his face pinched with concern as he looked over Magnus’ face checking for any injury. His gaze landed on Magnus’ bottom lip where blood had welled up and beaded, red droplets across otherwise unmarred skin.</p><p>“Did I hurt you?” Alec knew that sometimes they could get rough, but that wasn’t exactly what he’d been going for.</p><p>“No,” Magnus said quickly, “Yesterday, she um, cut my lip.”</p><p>Alec’s hands flexed into fists above Magnus’ head, glad that his boyfriend couldn’t see the reflexive gesture with the way Alec had him caged against the door.</p><p>He felt anger, curdling and bitter, in his stomach at the thought that Camille had not only forced herself onto Magnus, but also injured him.</p><p>He didn’t care what anyone else might say, it was not just a kiss. It was a violation, and it made Alec want to punch something, <em>hard, </em>at the idea that any harm might’ve come to Magnus.</p><p>But he couldn’t do that. Well, he could, but really, they’d worked hard to make the loft look the way it did. Besides, it was generally frowned upon to go around punching people. More importantly, he didn’t want to trigger Magnus in any way so he forced the anger down deep.</p><p>That didn’t mean he didn’t make a mental note to have a very in-depth conversation with Cat and Ragnor.</p><p>He focused instead on the barely there sensation of Magnus’ hands around his waist. The press of their bodies, so close to each other.</p><p>He wiped away the blood on Magnus’ lip with his thumb.</p><p>Very deliberately, he held his boyfriend’s gaze as he brought his thumb to his mouth and sucked the bitter taste off it.</p><p>He heard the sharp inhalation as Magnus’ breath caught at the gesture. More at the erotic thought of Alec’s mouth in more interesting places than the blood itself.</p><p>Magnus skimmed his hand up Alec’s back to cradle the base of his skull. A slight bit of pressure and Magnus almost had him where he wanted him but –</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you,” Alec murmured.</p><p>“You won’t”</p><p>Reassured, Alec finally let their mouths meet. Forceful, but strangely gentle as he coaxed Magnus’ mouth open. Their kisses became deeper, wanton. A give and take pull as they tasted one another.</p><p>Magnus felt himself arching up into it. His hand tangling in the soft, dark hair at Alec’s nape, while the other gripped, vicelike, around Alec’s waist.</p><p>Alec groaned, the sound being swallowed up in the embrace of their lips and tongues.</p><p>Magnus found his legs falling further open at the sound, letting Alec’s thigh slide fully between his legs. It eased some of the ache of his growing arousal, but it wasn’t enough, Magnus wanted more.</p><p>He wanted to be able to erase away the thought, the taste, the smell of Camille. He wanted the imprint of Alec’s body on his skin to remind him of what was real.</p><p>He broke the kiss, panting.</p><p>“Mm, Alec – <em>fuck</em>!”</p><p>His train of thought broken as Alec did something spectacular with his hips. Something that made Magnus’ brain short-circuit for a moment.</p><p>“Uh Alec – mm, wait”</p><p>Alec skimmed his nose down the column of Magnus’ throat to suck a dark mark into the hollow between his collarbones.</p><p>Reluctantly, Alec stopped what he was doing and inhaled shakily.</p><p>“Bed” Magnus panted before Alec could ask what was wrong.</p><p>The room seemed to spin for a second as Alec lifted him, Magnus hastily wrapping his legs around his waist, to tumble them both into the soft down of the bedsheets.</p><p>As soon as they hit the sheets, Alec was all hands and greedy, hungry kisses.</p><p>Somehow, although Magnus didn’t really know how, they ended up with nothing between them but bare skin.</p><p>The room spun again as Magnus found himself flipped onto his back, Alec in his lap.</p><p>Alec drug the next kiss out until it seemed to go on forever. Both of them sipping nectar from each other, one taste not enough to savor the sweetness of the flavor.</p><p>Their hips rocked together, mimicking the movement of their lips.</p><p>Magnus could’ve definitely come like this, but it seemed Alec had other plans. He felt large palms stilling the movement of his hips so that Alec could trace the outline of his jawline with soft kisses interspersed with the stinging sensation of teeth.</p><p> “<em>Yes</em>” Magnus moaned as his boyfriend clamped down on the sensitive skin behind his ear. Alec rolled the skin in-between his teeth, making Magnus arch up, almost involuntarily. </p><p>Finally, satisfied, he let go.</p><p>Magnus panted, his mind cloudy with desire.</p><p>“Beautiful” Alec murmured, lapping at the mark he’d just made before moving on. Laving kisses down Magnus’ torso, stopping just shy of where he was hard and leaking.</p><p>Alec bypassed his dick entirely to suck dark marks into Magnus’ thighs, a riot of violets and maroons.</p><p>Knowing exactly how much his boyfriend loved it, Alec didn’t hold back the sharp sting of teeth. He knew Magnus loved every single mark that Alec left on his body. A reminder of when it was over that Alec had been there. That he belonged to him, that they belonged to each other. Because he loved his marks on Alec’s skin just as much.</p><p>Magnus felt those large hands glide up the insides of his thighs, urging his legs even further apart.</p><p>He squeezed his eyes shut, head pressing back into the pillow as Alec took him into his mouth. He sucked at the sensitive head of his cock, lapping at the slit.</p><p>Magnus keened, brightly painted nails digging into the soft skin of Alec’s shoulder and the sheets above his head.</p><p>His hips moved without his volition, pushing more of him into Alec’s mouth. Realizing what he was doing, Magnus began to apologize, but instead let out a loud moan as Alec gripped his ass with both hands and took him down to the root.</p><p>Enveloped in the sinful, tight, wet heat of Alec’s throat, Magnus was losing his mind. He felt the muscles in Alec’s throat flutter around where he was buried deep.</p><p>“Alexander” He breathed, the only sound he could make. Every atom of his being was screaming in pleasure and it was robbing him of his ability to make any sound above a whisper.</p><p>He pried his eyes open to gaze down the length of his body, unsurprised that Alec was gazing up at him under dark lashes. He held Magnus’ gaze as he slowly pulled off with a wet pop, Magnus dick slapping against his stomach obscenely.</p><p>“Come here,” he murmured, dragging Alec up by whatever part of his body he could reach.</p><p>They came together again in a clash of tongue and teeth. Magnus reached down between their bodies to take both of them in one hand. His hand was barely big enough, but he managed.</p><p>Alec broke the kiss, dropping his head to the empty space between Magnus’ shoulder and neck. He mouthed at the skin there, thrusting his hips into the circle of Magnus’ fingers.</p><p>“Mm, Mags, you feel <em>nn</em>!” Alec moaned. He lost himself to the pleasure. The slightly dry, almost painful drag of Magnus’ cock against his. The breathy noises Magnus rasped in his ear and the soft moans Alec gave him in return.</p><p>Finally, with some difficulty, Alec managed to drag himself away from Magnus long enough to fumble in the bedside drawer for their lube. The bottle was three-quarters of the way empty, that little detail being registered and then forgotten as Magnus tightened his grip.</p><p>Alec almost dropped the bottle, but managed to nudge Magnus’ knee with his, causing Magnus to give one last filthy pull on their dicks before he let go, reaching up to grab the bottle from Alec’s fingers.</p><p>It was Alec’s turn to have the world spin as Magnus turned them over. He drew Alec in, tongue dragging across his and mapping the insides of Alec’s mouth intimately.</p><p>Glad for his ability to multitask, Magnus distracted Alec with kisses as he poured lube over his fingers. He rubbed them together, letting the cool liquid warm up before he slid a gentle hand up Alec’s thigh, coaxing his legs further apart.</p><p>At the first touch of Magnus’ finger against his hole, Alec sighed, pressing his hips down into the light pressure. He looped his arms around Magnus’ neck, playing with whatever strands of hair he could reach as he slowed the pace of their kiss from frantic, to something slower, more sensual.</p><p>Each kiss blending into the next one. Either one of them guiding each other to get the best angle that would create that much more pleasure. Alec licked into Magnus’ mouth just as his boyfriend slid one finger into him.</p><p>The movement made him gasp and curl his tongue around Magnus’.</p><p>When his boyfriend began to move his finger, Alec was forced to break the kiss, his back arching and head pressing into the pillow as he tried to chase after the sensation of Magnus finally moving inside him.</p><p>Magnus kept the pace of his thrusts maddeningly slow, curling his finger and rubbing against all the right places inside him.</p><p>“<em>More!” </em>Alec sobbed.</p><p>The press of two fingers had him losing his mind. He let one of his arms drop down between his legs to feel where Magnus had his fingers buried deep.</p><p>He heard Magnus curse at the gesture and he brought his mouth to Alec’s neck. Leaving a wet trail of open-mouthed sloppy, stinging kisses down the column of his throat.</p><p>The angle was awkward, but somehow Alec pressed his finger in beside Magnus’.</p><p>The fullness and stretch had his breath catching in his throat. But he didn’t stop to dwell on the pain, matching his pace to his boyfriend’s as they moved in tandem, stretching him.</p><p>Finally, Alec couldn’t take it anymore. He needed Magnus inside him.</p><p>“’m ready, c’mon Mags” He breathed, opening his eyes to gaze down at his boyfriend.</p><p>“Not yet,” Magnus murmured, as he continued his descent down Alec’s body.</p><p>“Watch me”</p><p>The gentle command had delicious shivers running down his spine. As directed, Alec let his eyes meet his boyfriend’s hypnotic, hazel gaze. The colors swirling in them making Alec feel like he was under a spell.</p><p>But there was no magic like that of his boyfriend whispering into his skin. Murmured praises and assurances as he brought Alec to new heights of pleasure.</p><p>His mouth and fingers seeking out those places that got the most response.</p><p>Alec’s hands in turn caressing whatever parts of Magnus’ skin he could reach. Adding Magnus’ pleasure-filled noises to his in the sonata that their bodies sang to each other every time they were like this.</p><p>The melody slightly tainted by Magnus’ self-doubt and Alec’s guilt. But the sweetness of it not drowned out as the next movement brought them soaring above that. To the place where the only thing that mattered was the two of them in this room.</p><p>Alec kept his gaze on Magnus’ the whole time until, at last, Magnus seemed satisfied. When that happened he moved up the length of Alec’s body and claimed his lips again in a gentle kiss.</p><p>Slicking himself up, Magnus guided his cock down to where Alec was stretched and open for him. He drew back to watch his boyfriend’s face as he slowly pressed inside.</p><p>The subtle darkening of Alec’s eyes, already a deep shade of indigo, the way his eyebrows scrunched together and the small ‘o’ his mouth made as he was filled. Magnus never got tired of watching that expression play out across Alec’s features.  </p><p>He held himself still until he saw the tension in Alec’s brow ease as he adjusted to the feeling of fullness. No matter how many times they did this, it still took Alec a moment to adapt. It was not the burn of the stretch itself, but rather, the feeling of intimacy in the act. The all-consuming way that they were connected body and soul.</p><p>The first time they made love, Alec had cried. Completely overwhelmed by the emotions flowing through both of them. It had caught Magnus by surprise, not expecting Alec of all people to have such a reaction.</p><p>Magnus had since learned that although his boyfriend wore stoicism like armor, underneath that he was actually a very sensitive person.</p><p>So he waited until Alec gave him the okay.</p><p>“Please” Alec breathed.</p><p>And who was Magnus to say no?</p><p>He leaned down to kiss Alec again as he began to move. He kept the press of his lips gentle, sensual as he teased Alec’s mouth open.</p><p>Playfully, he let his tongue flick against Alec’s as he gently withdrew, pressing back in slowly.</p><p>Alec gasped at the feeling, allowing Magnus’ tongue in that much deeper. He arched his back, driving his hips upward to follow Magnus’ as he filled him completely.</p><p>He trailed one hand down Magnus’ spine letting it settle, warm, on the small of his back. Alec pressed his other hand to Magnus’ chest, feeling the thrumming of his heartbeat under his fingertips.</p><p>He felt Magnus smile into the kiss as he lowered himself down. Making sure that every inch of his body lined up precisely with Alec’s, the need for closeness overwhelming.</p><p>It made Alec’s hand bend in a way that was just slightly uncomfortable, but he didn’t care. He eagerly returned Magnus’ kisses as they built up a rhythm. Each touch, each whisper and sigh an apology, an affirmation that they belonged here, in this place, with each other.</p><p>The push and pull as they chased after their climax. Neither wanting to speed up the rhythm, reveling in the press of skin, the joy of filling and being filled in turn, a slow, nearly inevitable build as they moved closer and closer to the peak.</p><p>At last, the need for completion became almost overwhelming. Magnus knew he couldn’t hold on much longer.</p><p>He was completely undone by the way, that Alec cradled him inside of himself. The way that he made a space for Magnus that was just his.  </p><p>The overwhelming feeling of love and belonging. Of a ship in a storm returning to its port. Magnus had felt so unanchored without Alec there to ground him.</p><p>This, this was what he had been missing. This was what he craved and needed. This connection between the two of them that was inexplicable, yet was the only thing in Magnus’ world that made sense at times.</p><p>He had no idea where he stopped and Alec began, hopelessly tangled in each other as he drove himself into Alec again and again.</p><p>His need answered by Alec begging for <em>more</em>, <em>there</em>, <em>don’t stop</em>.</p><p>He broke away from Alec to bury his head in the dark space beside Alec’s shoulder. In the soft cotton quiet, he let himself drift and just feel. Feel the press of a warm hand caressing his skin, the ridges of Alec’s other hand imprinting themselves on his chest.</p><p>As if there were a way Alec could break through skin and bone and fully tattoo himself on Magnus’ soul.</p><p>As if there was ever any doubt that Alec’s name was written on his heart.</p><p>He heard his lover’s cries slightly muffled, as if through glass. But this time, this was a place where Magnus was welcomed, invited in. He was not an outside listener to Alec’s breathless pleas, but an intimate, invited guest to share in his pleasure.</p><p>As Alec gave him pleasure in return.</p><p>He was helpless to fight the pull, as he gasped out, “’m Alec close”</p><p>“I know, Mags, <em>yes – fuck! </em>Mm, c’mon” Alec slurred, as he prized his legs out from under Magnus’ to wrap around his waist.</p><p>He used his grip to pull Magnus in that much deeper. One hand coming down to dig sharp pinpricks into the back of Magnus’ thigh, just under the curve of his ass. Urging him to move even faster.</p><p>Magnus obeyed the wordless command, letting go of his tenuous control to drive into Alec harder.</p><p>He carefully balanced himself on one arm, to tug Alec’s hand from between their bodies and lace their fingers together.</p><p>“Love you,” he breathed, unsure if it was a whispered promise or merely a thought inside his head.</p><p>“Love you”</p><p>The answer barely heard as he finally succumbed to the pleasure, emptying himself inside of his boyfriend.</p><p>He distantly felt the tightening of Alec’s muscles as he reached his own orgasm.</p><p>The world was static and white for a few aching moments. The intensity of his climax almost painful.</p><p>Reality slowly came back into focus. Magnus was mouthing wet kisses down the column of Alec’s throat, while his lover’s hands skimmed up and down his back.</p><p>He trailed a path upwards, capturing Alec’s mouth in a gentle kiss.</p><p>It lasted a heartbeat, two, and then Alec was drawing back to press a gentle kiss against the corner of his mouth. His jaw. Below his ear.</p><p>His mouth again. Before pulling away.</p><p>Alec reached a hand up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind his ear, the touch lingering as he caressed Magnus’ cheek. Retracing the path his lips had taken just moments before to trace the outline of his jaw, upwards to his ear, before brushing his thumb along Magnus’ lower lip.</p><p>He let his hand come up again to rest on his cheek.</p><p>“I love you” He repeated.</p><p>Magnus turned his head to press a gentle kiss to the soft skin on the inside of Alec’s wrist.</p><p>“I love you”</p><p>Alec smiled a soft smile. A secret smile. One reserved just for him that spoke more than a thousand words ever could.</p><p>If Magnus had any lingering doubts about what had happened between them, they disappeared now, ephemeral as the wind.</p><p>He returned the smile, leaning down to capture Alec’s lips once more. He kept it chaste, close-mouthed as he slowly withdrew from Alec’s body.</p><p>His lover sighed, finally letting his legs unwind from around Magnus’ waist. Magnus mourned the loss, but only for a moment as Alec turned them so that Magnus’ back was against his chest.</p><p>He hooked his chin over Magnus’ shoulder, letting their legs tangle once more as he splayed one large palm across Magnus’ chest and lower stomach. Neither of them paying any mind to the mess they were making, too caught up in each other.</p><p>“I do you know” Alec murmured, “Love you”</p><p>“I know”</p><p>“Good”</p><p>Alec was quiet for a moment before he said.</p><p>“When I walked away from you, I felt like I was walking away from a part of myself. I felt so confused, all I wanted to do was run right back to you. I didn’t know what to think.”</p><p>Magnus shifted so that he could lace their fingers together once more.</p><p>“I was afraid,” Magnus whispered, “I was afraid that you were gone for good.”</p><p>“Never”</p><p>The immediacy of Alec’s answer made something light settle deep inside of him. Because he knew that Alec was telling the truth. There was nothing that could convince Alec to walk away from him, he knew that now.</p><p>They were silent for another moment until Alec spoke again.</p><p>“You know, this reminds me of our first fight, do you remember?”</p><p>Magnus chuckled, “You mean when Izzy threatened to disown you if you didn’t apologize?”</p><p>He felt Alec’s answering laugh against his back.</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t even really remember what we were fighting about”</p><p>“Hmm, I think it had something to do with you forgetting about our date?”</p><p>Alec winced, “Yeah, not my finest moment.”</p><p>“I already told you Alexander that it wasn’t entirely your fault. Besides, I thought we’d moved past that.”</p><p>He cast a puzzled look over his shoulder at his boyfriend.</p><p>“We have” Alec reassured him.</p><p>“It’s just, do you remember what I told you then?”</p><p>Magnus’ brow furrowed, what <em>had </em>Alec told him? He told him a lot of things and Magnus did his best to remember most of them.</p><p>Then, he realized, and laughed.</p><p>“Yes, yes, I do remember darling. I think a wise man once told me...relationships take effort.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, this is maybe the final chapter to this. I'm still thinking about writing a sort-of epilogue to this but I don't know yet.</p><p>This took me so long to do. I just couldn't figure out how I wanted to write it. I had to walk away from it a few times, but I think it turned out all right in the end. </p><p>Thank you everyone for your comments! I have a hard time replying in a timely way because of my ADHD and my crazy work schedule. I just want you to know that I see them and I appreciate them greatly. </p><p>As always, I hoped you enjoyed reading because I enjoyed writing this even if it was a bit challenging at times. </p><p>Kudos and comments are appreciated. Thank you again!</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So, I decided why the hell not and made a part 3 and whelp, this is probably going to turn into a part 4. </p><p>This also got waay heavier than I originally intended, especially towards the end. Some of this is definitely fucked up, you have been warned. Actually, to be honest, this whole chapter is a bit fucked. </p><p>The next chapter will hopefully be lighter but yeah, if violence of any kind is triggering to you I would advise not reading.</p><p>Also, I am no expert on Indonesian culture. Take everything in this work as creative liberties of the author. If it is offensive, I apologize and I welcome any constructive criticism.</p><p>As always, all grammatical mistakes are my own. </p><p>I hope you enjoy reading. Kudos and comments are appreciated!</p>
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    <p>
  <em>I think a wise man once told me...relationships take effort. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The words seemed to hang in the small puffs of air made visible by the cold New York winter as Alec sat on a bench in one of the numerous parks around the city waiting for Cat.</p><p> </p><p>The phrase almost seemed prophetic in a way.</p><p> </p><p>Over the last several days, Alec had had to reckon with his own words as they came back to bite him in the ass, quite literally. He knew that it was hard for Magnus to talk about his time with Camille and if he pushed too hard, Magnus was liable to either explode or shut him out completely.</p><p> </p><p>From what he <em>had</em> been able to coax out of his boyfriend, it all seemed pretty grim. The little bit that Magnus told him was heart-wrenching and it made him feel a different kind of helpless.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t help Magnus with the decision to take what Ragnor and Cat had to the authorities, it wasn’t his decision to make. He was helpless to prevent the memories resurging in the middle of the night when Magnus woke him, screaming and sweat-soaked.</p><p> </p><p>Combined with Magnus’ tendency to firmly reject any offer of help because he was so used to going it alone, it had Alec feeling like he was going out of his mind.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t stand to see his boyfriend hurting so deeply and not be able to do anything about it.  </p><p> </p><p>Ultimately, though, he knew he couldn’t force his boyfriend to do anything.</p><p> </p><p>The last few days were an emotional roller coaster. They’d fight, yell, slam doors. Then come together, cry, and apologize. Just to repeat the process over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Alec was at the point that he didn’t think he could take it anymore. It was putting too much strain on Magnus and it wasn’t fair to put his boyfriend through all of this emotional turmoil if he just wasn’t ready.</p><p> </p><p>That morning, Alec had made the decision to sit down with Magnus and just call the whole thing off. He’d finally worked up the courage, but then Magnus had pulled the rug out from under his feet again.</p><p> </p><p>He’d said that he felt like he was finally ready to go to the police with everything that Cat and Ragnor had.</p><p> </p><p>Alec held him as he cried. There was fear, of course there was. For one thing, society had the hare-brained idea that if you were a man, being a survivor of abuse was largely a myth. For another, there was the all-consuming terror of disbelief. What if the police didn’t take him seriously? What if there wasn’t enough evidence? What if, what if.</p><p> </p><p>The very fact that there was even the possibility of doubt made Alec angry. Anyone could see the pain, even now, that Magnus had been through. Alec couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like for him.</p><p> </p><p>It made the primal part of his brain rear up and want to hide Magnus away inside the four walls of their apartment.</p><p> </p><p>Where no one could ever hurt him and Alec would always be there to protect him. Nevertheless, Alec knew it was ridiculous to try to keep Magnus caged.</p><p> </p><p>Magnus was his own person. He was strong and he really, <em>really</em> didn’t need Alec’s protection. He held black belts in several martial arts and was fond of attending kick boxing tournaments. Alec had seen what his opponents looked like after facing off with him.</p><p> </p><p>So, needless to say, he could take care of himself.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Alec’s parents had been delighted to learn that Magnus was a student of martial arts. It had been one of the things that finally won them over.</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t change the fact that Alec wanted to protect him, but even Alec couldn’t protect him from the demons within his own mind.</p><p> </p><p>The only thing he could do was be there for him. It was Magnus’ decision and even though Alec could see that he was shaking, he was still adamant about going to the police.</p><p> </p><p>Alec hadn’t tried to talk him out of it. Once his boyfriend made up his mind about something, there was no changing it. Alec had learned <em>that </em>the hard way.</p><p> </p><p>The one thing he had been insistent on, was that Magnus not look at whatever photos Camille and Ragnor had. He couldn’t stand the idea of Magnus having to relive every horrible moment in living color, over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Alec couldn’t shield him from much, but he could do at least this. Magnus had agreed, with the caveat that if it ended up going to trial, Alec would have to come to terms with the idea that he might have to see them anyway.</p><p> </p><p>The thought made Alec want to throw up. He knew Magnus was right, but that didn’t mean he had to come to terms with it right now.</p><p> </p><p>He knew that Magnus knew that Cat and Ragnor had been keeping The File for a while now. It hadn’t surprised him to learn that Magnus tried not to think about it. He couldn’t blame him.</p><p> </p><p>The full 180 about all of it was not surprising.</p><p> </p><p>Camille showing up out of the blue made Magnus realize that he truly wanted to be rid of her. He’d blocked her number, of course he had. The morning after her surprise appearance, he’d deleted it too.</p><p> </p><p>The one good thing that seemed to come from all of this was that Camille showed Magnus how much he had to lose and how much he’d been clinging onto what they’d had.</p><p> </p><p>Their love was chenille wrapped in razor wire. It was more pain than anything else, with sharp, jagged edges that tore at his soul.</p><p> </p><p>His heart would never be whole so long as he held onto any piece of that. For Magnus, a large part of letting go was coming to terms with the awfulness of the whole thing.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t easy. Magnus did not come from a family where openness and vulnerability were valued. His father’s love came at the end of a closed fist as often as not. Speaking up never accomplished anything but more of the same.</p><p> </p><p>With Camille, it didn’t seem to be that much different. He’d been raised to accept abuse, even if he knew it was wrong. In turn, he’d believed that he didn’t deserve anything better.</p><p> </p><p>As a psychologist, there was the part of him that recognized their relationship for what it was. During session, he’d talk with people, broken and hurt by other people. He’d listen with sympathy and help them come to terms.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, he’d come home and re-enact the same scenes as if those sessions were just the grounding for Act I, Scene III. Camille was drunk again. Camille had seen him talking to one of his female cohorts. Camille had read his text messages with his boss who also made the mistake of being female.</p><p> </p><p>For Camille, it was always about women, as if the other part of his identity wasn’t even real.</p><p> </p><p>It was only after talking with his own therapist that Magnus had begun to put together the broken pieces of his failed relationships. So, by no means was it easy to come to Alec with the shit show that was the last two years of his life with Camille.</p><p> </p><p>To his surprise, Alec never judged him. Never told him, as so many people had, that he should have just left, as if it were that easy. He soothed him through the anxiety attacks and helped him navigate the minefield of his traumas without going into too many specifics.</p><p> </p><p>All the while taking copious, extensive notes, making sure that Magnus only had to say all of it once. Somehow, reading the words never hurt nearly as much as speaking all of it out loud. With words, Magnus could pretend that he was reading about someone else’s life, someone else’s story.</p><p> </p><p>Alec had quietly tucked the notepad in amongst the scattered papers on Magnus’ desk for him to look through later.</p><p> </p><p>Then, he’d sat down with him and called Cat and Ragnor.</p><p> </p><p>If someone had told Magnus that he would have three (three!), amazing people to support him, well before he would never have believed them.</p><p> </p><p>But sitting there, in the kitchen, hearing the voices of those he loved most in the world, Magnus let himself be cocooned inside of that love. He gathered it up and stored it away inside himself to be a lantern for his bad days.</p><p> </p><p>For those days when the night was just a bit too dark and the temptation of the bottle was too much. To remind himself that he was loved. To give a big middle finger to all the voices inside his head that whispered about how he wasn’t good enough.</p><p> </p><p>In that moment, Magnus could cling to the fact that even if this whole thing never got off the ground, at least there was someone, somewhere, who believed him. Not just one someone, but three someones.</p><p> </p><p>That validation was enough for Magnus to feel like he could finally bring some closure to that part of his life. To burn the bridge to his past and build a new one with Alec. A new life without pain and darkness.</p><p> </p><p>It was hard, handing off the responsibility to someone else for a change. But Alec hadn’t even flinched at the idea of sharing it with him.</p><p> </p><p>He’d readily agreed to meet with Cat in Magnus’ place.</p><p> </p><p>Alec reflected on all of this as he sat, shivering slightly despite the numerous layers he’d piled on to ward off the chill.</p><p> </p><p>He might not know precisely what was going through Magnus’ mind and really, he had no idea of what it meant to be rejected by the very people who were supposed to love you unconditionally.</p><p> </p><p>It was possible that he could experience a pale facsimile of that. He’d been rejected plenty of times in his life, but never by his parents. Never had he experienced abuse at the hands of a lover.</p><p> </p><p>There was no amount of sting in any rejection that Alec had experienced that would ever come close to what Magnus had been through.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t mean his pains weren’t valid. No, absolutely not. Just, that he understood that in his life he’d been privileged in ways that Magnus had not been.</p><p> </p><p>For that reason, he didn’t mind taking some of Magnus’ burden. For him, it was far easier to carry and even if it wasn’t, it would never be difficult to help Magnus shoulder the weight.</p><p> </p><p>The sheer disbelief in Magnus’ eyes when he’d agreed to meet with Cat had cracked something inside of him.</p><p> </p><p>Alec knew that Cat and Ragnor did their best, but Magnus was stubborn. Even more when he thought he was being troublesome for other people.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t that they didn’t care, but that Magnus had never let them get past his walls the way that he had with Alec.</p><p> </p><p>So no, Alec did not mind freezing his ass off in the New York winter for his boyfriend. Although, he really wished Cat would hurry up.</p><p> </p><p>He thought about texting her, but ultimately decided against it. If she wasn’t there yet, it was because she was on the subway or still at the clinic.</p><p> </p><p>If it was the former, she wouldn’t answer because generally it was way too packed at this time of day. If it was the latter, she was still with a patient and her phone was on silent.</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t stop him from scanning the brick pathway for Cat’s signature blue coat, that conveniently matched her dark blue hair. For as long as Alec had known her, her hair had never been any other color.</p><p> </p><p>It made finding her in crowded bars easy. Really, it made finding her in any crowd easy.</p><p> </p><p>He tapped his foot and glanced at his phone. There was one unread text from Jace. He considered opening it, but decided that it could wait, because there was no way he was going to take off his gloves.</p><p> </p><p>Restless, Alec got up from the bench and began to pace in slow circles. He’d just made his fifth round when he heard Cat’s voice calling to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Alec!”</p><p> </p><p>He stopped and raised his head. Sure enough, there was Cat. Dressed in scrubs and uggs and her signature blue coat. A white beanie jammed over her midnight locks and a matching white scarf wrapped round her neck.</p><p> </p><p>On anyone else, the ensemble would’ve looked ridiculous. Somehow, Cat made it look professional.</p><p> </p><p>“Cat” He greeted her warmly.</p><p> </p><p>She slowed her quick pace as she reached him.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry I’m so late. The subway was running behind, again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Another mad shitter?”</p><p> </p><p>She snorted, “Nope, bachelorette party. Apparently, they needed to buy out the whole city’s worth of glitter.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec grinned, “Wow, must’ve been a hell of a party”</p><p> </p><p>“Or something”</p><p> </p><p>She shivered, “Brr, I can’t believe I let you sit out here so long. Come on, let’s get out of here.”</p><p> </p><p>She hooked her arm through his and he let himself be led out of the park.</p><p> </p><p>They took the subway, on time for a change, to Cat’s apartment.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t that different from Magnus’, except here there were no limitations on how much rainbow there could be.</p><p> </p><p>It looked like a bag of skittles had thrown up all over the place. The couches were a blinding teal with equally blinding yellow accent pillows. The rainbow throw pillow in the middle of the sofa did nothing to detract from the brightness of either.</p><p> </p><p>Cat had painted the walls, against the explicit instructions of her landowner, in rainbow stripes that ended with rainbow micro-printed wallpaper that ran along the moulding and baseboards.</p><p> </p><p>It should have all clashed, but somehow it worked. Although it still took Alec a minute to adjust to the sheer brightness of it all.</p><p> </p><p>He kicked his shoes off at the door and settled into the cloud-shaped loveseat Cat had found at a thrift store downtown.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, there were more rainbow throw pillows and, mysteriously, a sun pillow, used to decorate it.</p><p> </p><p>“Just let me change real quick and we can get started.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec nodded.</p><p> </p><p>Cat ruffled his hair on her way past, Alec making a half-hearted swipe at her.</p><p> </p><p>It felt good to have made up with her. Of course, she’d given him a dressing down about him being an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>But Cat could never stay made at him for long. After Alec apologized, she’d dragged him into a bone-crushing hug and demanded to know whether or not he’d made up with Magnus.</p><p> </p><p>Once Alec assured her that everything between them was okay, she’d relented a bit in her protectiveness.</p><p> </p><p>Though not without a stern warning that she would disown him if he ever tried that again. She’d laughed when he said that he would disown <em>himself </em>if he ever doubted Magnus like that again.</p><p> </p><p>Despite Cat being Magnus’ friend first, they’d developed a fast friendship. For Alec, it was a bit strange.</p><p> </p><p>He’d been told several times how intimidating he could be to people. And naturally being more of an introverted person, friendships had never come easy to him.</p><p> </p><p>It had exasperated his parents to no end. Alec had never seemed to want to make friendships with anyone who wasn’t his siblings.</p><p> </p><p>Then everything changed when he met Magnus. He’d come into Alec’s life and turned it completely upside down.</p><p> </p><p>He smiled thinking about how cliché it all was. Like something out of a rom-com. He didn’t know where he would be if it hadn’t been for them running into each other, literally, in that tiny café.</p><p> </p><p>Alec had never been so embarrassed in all his life. But Magnus had only laughed and it was then that Alec knew he was a complete goner.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of Cat re-entering the room jerked him out of his thoughts. She carried her MacBook tucked under one arm and a book in the other.</p><p> </p><p>Crossing the room, she settled on the floor at Alec’s feet.</p><p> </p><p>It never failed to mystify him why she preferred sitting on the floor to sitting on actual furniture.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so everything I have is in here.” She patted the book. “And on my computer. Ragnor has a back-up just in case.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec nodded, rearranging himself so that he could peer over her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve already called J.J.”</p><p> </p><p>J.J was Magnus’ lawyer, J.J. Reynolds. She’d been Magnus’ lawyer ever since he first opened his practice. The successful nature of the practice allowed Magnus to keep her on.</p><p> </p><p>“What did she say?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, she thinks we definitely have a case, if it were any else other than Camille Belcourt.” Cat grimaced.</p><p> </p><p>Alec tended to agree with her.</p><p> </p><p>After doing some digging, it seemed like Camille Belcourt had become a darling in Hollywood. She’d started by acting in minor roles, part of why she was in New York in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>Most of her work centered around small projects in the city, but as her fame grew, it seemed like she’d elected to move to L.A.</p><p> </p><p>The whole timeline was a jumble to Alec at the best of times. From what he could tell, when Camille first met Magnus she had been living in the city for a few years.</p><p> </p><p>She made decent money, but the reason she could afford her lifestyle was her parents. They were some type of diplomats or other, something that made them plenty of money at least.</p><p> </p><p>They’d sent Camille off to her dream school, NYU, several years prior. After graduation, when Camille had decided to stay, they kept sending her money. To the tune of thousands of dollars.</p><p> </p><p>How many thousands, Alec wasn’t quite sure. Despite her parents being rich and somewhat famous, although nowhere close to celebrity status, Camille was relatively unknown.</p><p> </p><p>Her parents had done their best to keep her out of the lime light when she was growing up. After graduation, it seemed she was determined to find her way into the spotlight no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>It was in the intervening years between rising up as a young actress, and actually landing major roles that Camille met Magnus.</p><p> </p><p>At that point, her work didn’t actually necessitate her leaving the city all that much. But from what Alec could tell and from what Magnus had told him, Camille rode the coat tails of any and everyone she could.</p><p> </p><p>She had a small temp job that was mostly to save face with her parents than anything else. Convince them that she had some concept of responsibility. Even though she worked in the business district, she really spent all her time cultivating her acting career.</p><p> </p><p>Her day job was little more than playing pretend. She didn’t need to work and she could wheedle money out of her parents even without the job.</p><p> </p><p>It was just more convenient to keep up the pretense. It made Alec sick, but the job also let her keep a slew of lovers on the side.</p><p> </p><p>All of them unnervingly young, even for someone of Camille’s age. All the while dating Magnus and stringing him along.</p><p> </p><p>If it wasn’t one of her assistants, it was one of the numerous wanna-be somebodies at her acting gigs that Camille entertained.</p><p> </p><p>From what Alec could tell, it was all about the game to Camille. She never actually cared about any of them, it was just a way to get back at Magnus for whatever imaginary offense she’d dreamed he’d committed.</p><p> </p><p>The whole thing was messy and convoluted, converging when Camille met some person named Sergio or something at one of her acting gigs. They’d run off together to Slovakia or maybe it was France?</p><p> </p><p>Really, all that mattered was that Camille had left Magnus after almost two and a half years of abuse and torment to natter around Europe.</p><p> </p><p>While Magnus fell deeper into depression and the bottle.</p><p> </p><p>It made Alec furious thinking about it even now. Sometime between then and now, nearly a whole year later, it seemed Camille had finally landed the job that would catapult her into the mainstream.</p><p> </p><p>She was a rising star in Hollywood. Combine that with her parents’ money and it didn’t look good for them.</p><p> </p><p>But Alec could give a rat’s ass about who Camille Belcourt was. Or at least, who she’d fooled everyone into believing she was.</p><p> </p><p>Alec usually wasn’t the type bent on revenge, but he wanted to take Camille down, <em>hard. </em>And if there was even a chance that Camille could pay, even the slightest bit, for all the damage she’d caused, well.</p><p>J.J. was one of the best, and if the story somehow got “accidentally” leaked, Alec knew it would be over.</p><p> </p><p>But he also knew that they had to play it close to the vest. No one could know anything until they’d gathered up their case and taken the evidence Ragnor and Cat had compiled to the authorities.</p><p> </p><p>He knew how easy it was to misconstrue evidence in your favor, and he’d be damned if he let Camille get away with any of it.</p><p> </p><p>His mind turned back to the present as Cat pulled up The File on her computer.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you want to do this, Alec? I’m telling you, some of this stuff, it’s…rough”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay” She sighed, as she double-clicked the folder. “Some of this I only got because Magnus has me on his medical release forms. He needed someone when he was in school, and well, I was his de-facto family.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec felt his heart twist just thinking about Magnus, eighteen at most and so very, very alone. With only Cat and Ragnor and then, not even on the same side of the country, of the world, as him.</p><p> </p><p>As if sensing what he was thinking, Cat reached up to place a gentle hand on his ankle and squeezed.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, but he’s not alone anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right,” Alec said, his throat tight, not trusting himself to say anything else.</p><p> </p><p>Cat left her hand there as she scrolled to one file.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve already sent most of this to J.J. I just thought, you know, maybe you’d want to read it for yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec recognized the file immediately. <em>Laceration to the left temple. Five stitches. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Bile rose up, acrid and stinging in the back of his throat. Of course, he knew about the incident. When Camille had decided to throw a fucking wine glass at Magnus’ head.</p><p> </p><p>But there was something altogether different about reading it in the stark language of the attending E.R. doctor. It made it somehow more impersonal and more real at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>He thought about Magnus, bleeding and scared, sitting in a sterile exam room. It was a difficult thing to think about.</p><p> </p><p>He knew that wasn’t even the worst of it.</p><p> </p><p>There were pictures, way too many pictures. Pictures of dark colored bruises pressed into Magnus’ throat. A blotch on Magnus’ ribs. An ink splatter across his cheekbone.</p><p> </p><p>There were police incident reports. All of them ending the same.</p><p> </p><p>Showing up, being told there was nothing wrong, and without a proper warrant and way too many cases to juggle, leaving the same way they’d came.</p><p> </p><p>As the list of reports became longer and longer, so did the responding officers’ suspicions. He didn’t want to know how Cat and Ragnor had gotten a hold of them, but there were case notes as well.</p><p> </p><p>The officers talked about the number of incidents and the frequency that they were called to the apartment. They described the broken furniture and the way that Magnus would guard certain parts of his body.</p><p> </p><p>At first, they had assumed it was the other way around – go figure. But as the months went by, it seemed like at least one of the officers had been compiling a dossier of the incidents and lining them up.</p><p> </p><p>At least one person seemed to be putting two and two together. It might have resulted in an arrest, except Camille abruptly disappeared and the case was benched.</p><p> </p><p>Pretty convenient if you asked Alec.</p><p> </p><p>He forced himself to continue flipping through the files. More medical files, more E.R. visits. More police notes detailing things he fervently wished Magnus had never had to live through.</p><p> </p><p>By the end of it, he was convinced he was going to be sick. No wonder Ragnor hadn’t wanted to be here for this.</p><p> </p><p>If he and Cat had had to pick up the pieces after the damage Camille had wrought, he couldn’t blame him for not wanting to remember those terrible times.</p><p> </p><p>Cat must have been made of adamantium to be able to go through this over and over, with him and with J.J.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus” Alec breathed, “Jesus, why the <em>fuck</em> didn’t they do something?”</p><p> </p><p>“They tried” Cat whispered through tightly pressed lips, “Camille always found a way to wriggle out of it. And Magnus wasn’t exactly talking, not that you can blame him.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no of course not. Just, fuck, someone should’ve done something”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, babe. But, you know, the system is taxed and sometimes, sometimes people fall through the cracks.”</p><p> </p><p>She squeezed his ankle harder, though not hard enough to bruise.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you’re mad. Trust me, I’m pissed too, but she’s <em>not</em> going to get away with this, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, okay. So does, does J.J. think we have a chance?”</p><p> </p><p>Cat nodded, “Yeah, she’s going to talk with the officer that compiled most of these notes. Seems like he’s still on the force. An officer…”</p><p> </p><p>She squinted at the screen, “I think Officer Yu. Seems to be the responding officer on a lot of these calls. And she’s gonna talk to the E.R. docs. Looks like there were some names that were pretty consistent and then she’ll get back to me. If she can confirm everything that’s here, well, Camille is going down.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, “What do you want me to tell Mags?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head, “I don’t want to get his hopes up. Just, just don’t say anything until we know for sure okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Alec nodded. Her words echoed pretty much what Magnus had said to him that morning. Even though he was adamant about going to the authorities, he didn’t want to know what was going to happen in-between all of it.</p><p> </p><p>He just hoped they had enough to nail Camille for all of this and that she never got to do this to anyone else ever again.</p><p> </p><p>Alec left Cat’s apartment that night feeling unsettled, but mostly frustrated and helpless about the whole thing.</p><p> </p><p>Riding the subway back home, the images flickered in his mind, no matter how hard he tried to will them away he kept seeing them.</p><p> </p><p>It was difficult to reconcile the broken man in those pictures to who Magnus had become. It was hard to think that there was ever a time when Magnus had been so <em>fragile </em>and so very, very breakable.</p><p> </p><p>Even on his bad days, as he’d come to call them, Magnus was never the man that Alec had glimpsed in those few, still images.</p><p> </p><p>That man seemed haunted and lost. Adrift and completely alone. His boyfriend, even on his bad days, seemed to give the impression that no matter what, he was strong.</p><p> </p><p>It made Alec marvel at Magnus’ tenacity to claw his way out of the pit and stand in the sunlight. To not let that be all that he was.</p><p> </p><p>It also made his heart ache, just thinking about Magnus lost in that sea of darkness. Alec wished that he could go back in time and rescue Magnus from all of that pain, if he could.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed as the train ground to its inevitable halt at his stop. He skirted the buskers and the drifters as he made his way up and out of the underground and back into the still night of the New York winter.</p><p> </p><p>Turning his collar up, he hurried up the avenue to the familiar loom of their apartment building.</p><p> </p><p>A warm sigh of air greeted him and welcomed him in out of the cold. Grateful, Alec unlaced his boots with numb fingers and let them fall to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>Shrugging off his hat, coat, and gloves, he hung them unceremoniously by the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Mags?” He called and heard the distant reply from the master bedroom. He padded down the hallway and found his boyfriend underneath a mound of blankets, curled up with was he reading Nietzsche?</p><p> </p><p>Settling on top of the covers, Alec gently drew the book from Magnus’ fingers. He marked where he’d stopped reading and set it on the night stand.</p><p> </p><p>“A bit grim don’t you think?”</p><p> </p><p>“The cold always puts me in something of a melancholy mood” Magnus sighed. He sat up, letting the blankets pool around his waist, and drew Alec into a chaste kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“How was your day?”</p><p> </p><p>“Long. What about you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you know the usual.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec knew that Magnus couldn’t really talk about his clients, but he could tell by the way Magnus was acting that it hadn’t been a good day.</p><p> </p><p>Drawing his boyfriend in, he rearranged the covers to settle over both of them as he smoothed a hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Magnus ‘hmmed’ but didn’t say anything, just let himself relax into the soft touches.</p><p> </p><p>Gently, Alec murmured, “Do you want to talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>When his boyfriend didn’t respond after a few moments of silence, Alec was ready to let the subject drop. But then Magnus surprised him.</p><p> </p><p>“I never wanted you to see me like this, you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just, this ugly side of me.”</p><p> </p><p>Still keeping up the gentle strokes through Magnus’ dark locks, Alec asked.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean,” Magnus began, then stopped as if trying to gather his thoughts, “I never wanted to drag you into all of this”</p><p> </p><p>He flung his arms out, well as much as he could with part of his body still pressed up against Alec.</p><p> </p><p>“I never wanted you to see this side of me. I thought I had left it in the past, but now it seems as though it’s found its way back into my life anyways.”</p><p> </p><p>“Magnus…” Alec murmured softly, unsure what he could do to offer comfort to his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>“And how,” Magnus suddenly sat up, breaking out of Alec’s embrace to draw his knees to his chest, “How can you just sit here with me? Don’t you know anything?”</p><p> </p><p>The need to soothe his boyfriend warred with wanting to respect his personal space. Alec wrung his hands together tightly and fought off his instinctive need to go to Magnus.</p><p> </p><p>His boyfriend still sat, in a half fetal position, not looking at him but gazing at his fingers, which were interlocked just below his kneecaps.</p><p> </p><p>Alec noticed he hadn’t bothered to take off his rings and at some point, he’d refreshed the blinding shade of neon pink Alec had painted them the week prior.</p><p> </p><p>The familiarity of it was at odds with the uncharacteristic guardedness of Magnus’ posture.</p><p> </p><p>Almost as if he was speaking to himself, Magnus murmured, “My parents, well my stepfather, he used, he used to say that I was cursed. Possessed by a demon. He said the only thing that I was ever good for was causing destruction.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec said nothing, even though every atom of his being was screaming at him to refute what Magnus was saying.</p><p> </p><p>He ached to go to him, but knew that it wouldn’t be well-received. Magnus was completely unaware of anything but his own private pain.</p><p> </p><p>It was clear that he’d been thinking about this for a while. Alec had noticed something was bothering his boyfriend, well aside from the obvious, but every attempt to draw him out was met with pretty platitudes and reassurances.</p><p> </p><p>It left Alec feeling bereft and confused, unsure how to help Magnus if he didn’t know what was wrong in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>He’d assumed it had to have been something to do with Camille, but the truth, it seemed, was darker even that.</p><p> </p><p>Alec wondered how any parent could tell their child something so awful. He reached one hand up, as if to touch Magnus, but let it drop, useless, to his side as his boyfriend continued.</p><p> </p><p>“My mother – my mother never told me about my real father. No, that would come much later, after she was married to my stepfather. Before my stepfather married my mother, he and my father were business rivals. They both worked in the security industry, very clandestine, even now I’m not entirely sure what either of them were involved with. Regardless, they were both in love with my mother. She was very beautiful, so I can understand why.</p><p> </p><p>She met both of them when she was still living in Indonesia with her parents. My mother was studying at university, under the direction of her parents. She was under no illusions that after attending university, she would be obligated to marry a man of her parents’ choosing.</p><p> </p><p>But my mother dreamed of a different world not so confined by her parents’ expectations. The opportunity came, it seemed, when she met my father. He was, at the time, working a potential client in Jakarta, while giving a guest lecture at the university as a cover. My mother had persuaded her parents to let her study business somehow, and was attending the lecture as a part of a course requirement.</p><p> </p><p>She stayed after to ask him questions for her assignment and in the process, my father fell in love with her. What followed was a confusing and tense situation with her parents as she argued that he was a successful businessman and would be a good prospect. It helped that he was extremely handsome and charming and it wasn’t long before my mother was also in love with him – against her parents judgement.</p><p> </p><p>But, you see, my father was the devil. His business was really just a front for his dabblings with foreign operatives. My father had eyes and ears all over the world and he had very little scruples about what jobs he took on. Women, children, it didn’t matter so long as he got his money.</p><p> </p><p>He also dealt very closely with the secrets of the rich and powerful and he used all of this to his extreme advantage. Being that he came from wealth and a long line of con men, he wasn’t used to hearing the word no. Enough money and a smile and well, he’d walk away with whatever his heart desired.</p><p> </p><p>My mother, when she met him, she assumed he was a rich businessman from the West. Her family told her that he was evil, a man without morals. She never believed them. He spun her a pretty story of the life she could live if she agreed to marry him. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but it seemed to be a better option than what her parents had planned for her. She agreed to marry him, but struggled to get her parents’ blessing for the marriage.</p><p> </p><p>Nevertheless, my mother was not deterred and was fully intent on marrying him.  </p><p> </p><p>That was, until, she discovered the truth, or at least as much of the truth as she could and escape with her life. She happened to overhear one of his more, hmm, nasty meetings with a client.</p><p> </p><p>She ended her relationship with him right then and there. But you see, my father, like I said, was not used to the word no, let alone from a woman. It was a point of pride for him, you see. Once he had you, he’d never let you go.</p><p> </p><p>That might’ve been the end for my mother, but her family managed to smuggle her out of the country. They saved up as much money as they could to buy her a visa to go and live in the U.K.</p><p> </p><p>She changed her name and broke off all contact with her family. That was when she met my stepfather, well more like, became reacquainted with him.</p><p> </p><p>It seemed during the time she had been with my father, my stepfather had been watching her as well. They made a deal. My stepfather would wield what power he had to protect her and in exchange, she became his wife.</p><p> </p><p>They were happy enough given the circumstances. I think towards the end, she’d even started to love him. My mother was able to speak with her family again in coded messages and she’d had the life she’d dreamed of back in Indonesia.</p><p> </p><p>Their life was, by all appearances, nearly perfect. Then, my mother found out she was pregnant with me. The timing of it, well, it was circumspect who the father was.</p><p> </p><p>When I was born, I favored my mother over my father. That didn’t stop my stepfather from finding out the truth. He forced my mother to take a paternity test and when he discovered that I was not his child, he hated me.</p><p> </p><p>He said I was the son of the devil and I suppose, in a way, he was right. My father was a con man and a killer. It only made sense as his son that his legacy would taint me as well. As I grew, I slowly came to realize that my mother was ashamed to have me as her son and my stepfather hated me for the simple fact that I was not his.</p><p> </p><p>And, in some way, I suppose he hated my mother for ever having me in the first place. He was in love with my mother, but me, well, he could care less about me. The only love he showed me was at public events and even then, it was only for appearances sake. Any move out of line was dealt with harshly.</p><p> </p><p>I became convinced, as my mother was often fond of telling me, that I was a cursed child. I had evil in my blood and that was all I would ever be.</p><p> </p><p>Mysterious accidents seemed to follow me wherever I went. When I was three, my nursery caught fire. It burned down that whole section of rooms, but left me untouched. A string of random and tragic deaths followed me. A school friend, a nanny. I almost killed my own mother when I was seven.</p><p> </p><p>I had been playing by the lake. I wasn’t supposed to, but I’d gotten away from my nanny. I was playing on the docks, and somehow, the boards broke and I plunged into the water.</p><p> </p><p>My mother, I suppose she had been walking the gardens around then, heard my screams and ran to see what was happening. In my panic, I dragged her into the water with me.</p><p> </p><p>I only remember a searing pain in my lungs and the terrified expression of my mother as I held her under. I didn’t want to let her go, convinced that if I did she would leave me alone to die.</p><p> </p><p>My mother’s guards were thankfully nearby and dragged us both out. I’m convinced we both would have died if not for them.</p><p> </p><p>She never forgave me for that.</p><p> </p><p>Well, and on it went. I was also a very rough child, prone to lashing out at others. More incidents than I care to talk about now, where I left schoolyard bullies bruised and bleeding.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, my stepfather grew tired of my misbehavior and sent me away to boarding school. There, I became withdrawn and sullen. I began harming myself, although I was smart enough to hide it.</p><p> </p><p>The final nail in the coffin came in the spring of my tenth year. I was set on a course to finishing my exams and enrolling in university early.</p><p> </p><p>But I made the unforgivable mistake of being caught in the quad, kissing another boy. The school expressly forbid any romantic relationships between students, although no one really took the rules seriously.</p><p> </p><p>Nevertheless, despite the fact that the administration usually turned a blind eye to these types of things, they were still mandated to contact my parents.</p><p> </p><p>The next day, my father called a car and had me driven back to his estate.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t there. That day or the next. By the third day, I was nearly beside myself with anxiety about what my stepfather was going to do to me.</p><p> </p><p>In all that time, my mother never came to see me. I assumed that my stepfather had instructed her to stay away from me. I suppose that would’ve been kinder than the truth.</p><p> </p><p>That afternoon, my stepfather ordered me to meet him in his study. I felt like a prisoner walking to his execution.</p><p> </p><p>I stood in front of his desk, shaking, unsure what my punishment would be this time.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever I thought it would be, it was nothing close to reality. My stepfather began screaming at me, telling me that I really was cursed. I was the devil. Kissing another boy was against the will of god, didn’t I know that? How could I stand in front of him and not even be close to ashamed about what I had done.</p><p> </p><p>He continued yelling frankly, horrible things at me. Especially about how I was going to hell and wouldn’t I say hello to my father when I made it there?</p><p> </p><p>By this time, he was directly in front of me, screaming into my face. I remember backing up against the wall, doing anything I could to get away from him.</p><p> </p><p>But he just kept coming. Then, he grabbed me by my shirt and threw me onto the floor. He began kicking me, all the while I was screaming for him to please, please just leave me alone. I wouldn’t let it happen again, how sorry I was.</p><p> </p><p>He kept telling me how sorry I was going to be. That he was going to make sure that I never did it again, because I wouldn’t have a chance to.</p><p> </p><p>I was so out of it with pain, I couldn’t even fight back. He, he, grabbed me again and – and – and – slammed me against the wall. I could, I could see him going for something in his back pocket. I knew, I knew it was his gun.</p><p> </p><p>It was illegal, but the law rarely applies to rich and powerful men.</p><p> </p><p>As he – as he reached for it, I just knew that he was going to kill me. I could see it in his eyes. All I remember thinking is, that I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live. I didn’t want to die like this.</p><p> </p><p>My stepfather, maybe the only good thing he’d ever really done for me, had thrown me against the wall that held all of his hunting knives.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t think I even remember consciously deciding to do it. It felt like someone else had taken over my body. I remember, but it’s like I was watching myself looking from outside of my body.</p><p> </p><p>I saw myself reach up and grab one of the knives and then I just…threw it. We were standing only a short distance apart, so there was no way I could possibly miss despite the fact that I’d never really thrown a knife before.</p><p> </p><p>I was as surprised as my stepfather when it buried itself in his chest. He screamed, it was an awful sound, and I just remember thinking what did I do?</p><p> </p><p>Then, this blind fury took over me. All those years that he’d beat me, ridiculed me, laughed at me, seemed to come back to me all at once.</p><p> </p><p>It was like – like this, this <em>fog</em> took over my vision. I don’t remember what happened after that, all I remember is hearing a woman screaming and that I was somehow kneeling over my stepfather with the knife in my hand.</p><p> </p><p>I was soaked in blood and panting. I stared down at what I had done to my stepfather and I felt…nothing. In that moment, I felt as though I was the monster they always said that I was.</p><p> </p><p>The police were called and it didn’t look good for me. After all, the housekeeper had found me kneeling over his dead body with the murder weapon in my hand.</p><p> </p><p>But when they reviewed the security footage, they came to the conclusion that it was self-defense and I wasn’t in my right mind.</p><p> </p><p>I never even served any time for killing the man that I had always thought of as my father.</p><p> </p><p>When my mother learned about what I’d done, she couldn’t take the shame of having not only a son who was gay, but a son who was a monster.</p><p> </p><p>I was staying at my grandparents’ home. You see, in all the years that this had been going on, I’d gotten in touch with my maternal grandparents. They knew exactly what I’d been going through and I, for the life of me I still don’t understand, they never blamed me for what I did.</p><p> </p><p>It seemed my mother had been sending them money all these years and they’d used it to buy a property in London.</p><p> </p><p>They flew up from Indonesia to take me there and quietly enrolled me in university. Neither of them told my mother about what they’d done. You see, even though she’d been sending them money, she’d stopped speaking to them years ago. But they’d never forgotten about either of us, about <em>me</em>.</p><p> </p><p>They agreed to stay with me for a few months until I was back on my feet. Then, one day they’d gone out shopping and left me by myself.</p><p> </p><p>I never wanted to go anywhere anymore. No matter how many doctors or psychiatrists I visited, none of them could convince me that I wasn’t a monster – cursed – just like my parents said.</p><p> </p><p>That day, I’d been lying in bed as was usual. I was drifting in some place in and out of consciousness when the sound of the door opening woke me.</p><p> </p><p>I was convinced I was still dreaming because there, standing in the doorway, was my mother.</p><p> </p><p>She was dressed all in white, like a bride. She looked like a ghost and I was convinced that this was it. This was my punishment. She was the avenging angel who was going to take me to hell, just like my stepfather told me would happen.</p><p> </p><p>I remember sitting up and wanting to go to her, but I was so scared because I was convinced if I did, then I was sealing my own damnation.</p><p> </p><p>She came into the room and knelt by my bed.</p><p> </p><p>I remember thinking it was strange how warm her hand was, because how could a person’s hand be warm in a dream?</p><p> </p><p>She stroked my cheek and whispered,</p><p> </p><p>“I should’ve killed you before you were born, Magnus. I knew, I knew you were a <em>monster</em>. I told myself that maybe you’d never be anything like your father, but now I know that’s all you are. Cursed. A killer.”</p><p> </p><p>A strange feeling came over me. It seemed like heaven itself was confirming what I knew to be true all along. It only made sense that it would use my mother as the messenger.</p><p> </p><p>I remember leaning my cheek into her hand. I thought, if this is my last moment on earth, then at least the devil let me have this one last thing before I died.</p><p> </p><p>She sat back and looked at me, her expression was jaded with hatred.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t look at me like a mother looks at their child, but like I was the most abhorrent thing she’d ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t bear the shame, you know? Knowing that I fostered something so evil. Not only are you your father’s son, but you also commit sins against heaven. How else could it be that you can lie with another man if you are not evil? I can’t be convinced of anything else. Know this Magnus, I am your mother, but you will <em>always</em> be your father’s son.”</p><p> </p><p>Pressing one last kiss to my cheek, she stood up. Her dress billowed out around her as she pulled something from behind her back.</p><p> </p><p>It was my stepfather’s gun.</p><p> </p><p>I watched as she brought it to her chin and gave me the ghost of a smile. Then, she shot herself.</p><p> </p><p>The sound was deafening and I think it was only then that I realized that I wasn’t dreaming.</p><p> </p><p>I remember screaming for her, begging her to come back.</p><p> </p><p>That’s how my grandparents found me, kneeling in a pool of her blood and sobbing myself hoarse.</p><p> </p><p>If I didn’t know I was a monster before, I knew it now. Not only had I killed my stepfather, but I’d killed my mother too.</p><p> </p><p>So, I guess I’m wondering, how can you look at me and not think I’m a monster?”</p><p> </p><p>Magnus turned a tear-filled gaze to him and the look in his eyes made something twist viciously tight in Alec’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>Without thinking, Alec knelt so that he could tip Magnus’ chin up and hold his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“Magnus, there is <em>nothing </em>monstrous about you”</p><p> </p><p>Magnus inhaled sharply, staring at him in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>“You were defending yourself and you didn’t make your mother kill herself. You are <em>not </em>a monster. You were just a kid and you were scared. You said it yourself, your stepfather was going to kill you. You did what you had to do but that doesn’t make you cursed or whatever.”</p><p> </p><p>Alec opened his arms and Magnus flung himself into them.</p><p> </p><p>He cradled Magnus’ head into the hollow of his shoulder and rocked him gently as he cried.</p><p> </p><p>“If this is what’s been bothering you, I told you before, there is nothing you can do that would make me walk away from you. I love you, and I’ll say it as many times as I have to. I love you, I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p> </p><p>He wished he knew the words to say to make it better. This wasn’t one of those instances where you could throw words out into the void and hoped that they meant what you tried to say.</p><p> </p><p>No, there were no words for the horrible nature of the story that Magnus had just told him.</p><p> </p><p>There was nothing you could say to someone who was so scared for their own life that they killed their own father. The same father who’d convinced them they were a monster for being the way that they were born.</p><p> </p><p>It made Alec wonder who, exactly, was the monster in this situation. He refused to believe that it was Magnus who was just a child at the time.</p><p> </p><p>Well, a teenager, in technicalities but still, much too young to have to shoulder such a heavy burden. He found it hard to believe that the one person who had no choice in any of this, was the person who was forced to carry the responsibility of his parents’ choices.</p><p> </p><p>Magnus had never asked to be born. He’d never asked to be taken from his homeland and forced to live in a strange country with parents who hated his existence.</p><p> </p><p>It was all incredibly cruel.</p><p> </p><p>He knew, of course, that Magnus hadn’t had a great home life. It had been no secret between the two of them from the start.</p><p> </p><p>But that had never been a deterrent to Alec. People didn’t choose the family that they were born into. How could he possibly judge Magnus for something he’d had no power over?</p><p> </p><p>And to think, his mother had fled the country after breaking off her engagement to one man and fall into the arms of another?</p><p> </p><p>Of course, it didn’t seem like there were many options, but still. To choose your spouse over your own child was inexcusable. Simply for who Magnus’ father was.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, it seemed his mother’s hatred for his father had bled into and tainted her perception of her son. No wonder that Magnus had lashed out. No wonder that he had turned to hurting himself.</p><p> </p><p>And then to use that as more ammunition to hurl at him? It made Alec glad that they were dead in a way, that they would never be able to hurt Magnus again.</p><p> </p><p>He pulled Magnus in closer and began to hum a soft tune. It was a lullaby that his mother used to sing to him when he was little.</p><p> </p><p>Back then, he’d been afraid of the dark. He’d run screaming night after night to his parents about monsters in his closet or under his bed.</p><p> </p><p>His parents had bought him a nightlight but when that failed, they wondered what else to do.</p><p> </p><p>That was when his mother began coming into his room at night and singing him to sleep. It was always the same lullaby, <em>À la claire fontaine. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p><em>À</em> <em> la claire fontaine, M’en allant promener</em></p><p><em>J’ai trouv</em> <em>é</em> <em> l’eau si belle, Que je m’y suis baign</em> <em>é</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Lui ya longtemps que je t’aime, Jamais je ne t’oublierai </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The song was terribly sad, but the beauty in the simple melody never failed to calm him. It seemed to be doing the same for Magnus.</p><p> </p><p>As he reached the final verse, he heard Magnus quiet.</p><p> </p><p>He continued rocking him gently as he heard his breathing even out, indicating he was asleep. Alec was reluctant to leave the warmth of their bed to turn off the lights and turn on the security system.</p><p> </p><p>He was even more loathe to leave Magnus at that moment.</p><p> </p><p>To say the last two weeks had been hell for Magnus was a bit of an understatement. It seemed that seeing Camille again had dredged up a lot of bad memories for him and the somber nature of the weather was not helping to refute the macabre leanings of his thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Alec understood, well maybe not entirely, but he understood how jarring it must’ve been for Magnus to see Camille again.</p><p> </p><p>In the time Alec had known him, Magnus was not shy about sharing his struggles with depression and alcoholism or about his parents’ abuse. He’d never gone into gory details and Alec had never pressed for them.</p><p> </p><p>It seemed not only intrusive, but also incredibly insensitive to pry into Magnus’ past like that.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, he let Magnus tell him the bits and pieces he was comfortable sharing and Alec tried to reciprocate the best that he could.</p><p> </p><p>From what Magnus had told him, he’d gathered that Magnus’ childhood had been extremely traumatic. Following that, most of his romantic relationships had been short flings or had inexplicably fallen apart.</p><p> </p><p>Every partner enjoying Magnus’ flirtatious nature and the need to be the life of the party, but not wanting to be around when the lights went out and all the guests went home.</p><p> </p><p>Camille had been the last. Right from the beginning, Alec was acutely aware that Camille was a difficult subject.</p><p> </p><p>It was clear that her relationship with Magnus was just as abusive and toxic as the one Magnus had shared with his parents. Despite that, Magnus had been firm about the fact that their relationship was over.</p><p> </p><p>And there had never been any indication that Magnus ever thought about Camille except on his really bad days. Magnus, despite his usual gregariousness, was also prone to bouts of existentialism and melancholy.</p><p> </p><p>Alec supposed that had to come with the territory of basically raising yourself and never really understanding your place in the world.</p><p> </p><p>He’d learned to quietly set a cup of Magnus’ favorite tea, right now it was oolong, on the corner of his desk and leave him to it.</p><p> </p><p>He respected that Magnus sometimes needed time to process his emotions and he was never offended when Magnus temporarily shut him out.</p><p> </p><p>As their relationship progressed, those times became few and far between. The first time Magnus had broken down in front of him, Alec hadn’t turned away.</p><p> </p><p>He supposed, thinking back, that it was anachronistic to Magnus’ usual expectations, but for him it was second nature. He was the oldest and used to caring for his siblings and being their protector, it was in his nature by this point.</p><p> </p><p>The need to comfort his boyfriend overrode anything else. After that, Magnus began coming to him more and more on his bad days.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, he would ask Alec to sing for him. Sometimes they would sit in silence and say nothing at all. Sometimes, Magnus would talk himself hoarse, knowing that Alec would listen.</p><p> </p><p>In the last two weeks, it seemed like they’d gone back to the very beginning of their relationship.</p><p> </p><p>Magnus began shutting him out again and retreating into his work. It left Alec feeling unbalanced and unsure how to help his boyfriend when it was clear that he wanted to be by himself.</p><p> </p><p>He’d sensed that something deeper than just Camille Belcourt was weighing on Magnus’ mind, but he’d never pushed.</p><p> </p><p>Well, except for asking Magnus to talk and reluctantly accepting Magnus’ rebuffs every time.</p><p> </p><p>He supposed that Camille had probably thrown Magnus’ past in his face more than once. It was clear in Magnus’ reaction to Alec’s words that he had expected his worst fears to be confirmed.</p><p> </p><p>His whole life he’d been told he was a monster, cursed, the son of the devil. That no one could or would love him if they knew the truth about him.</p><p> </p><p>But Alec knew that everyone carried darkness inside of them, but that didn’t make people inherently evil. His parents had taught him that people had free will. No one could make you evil, it was something you chose.</p><p> </p><p>Just because Magnus’ father was a con man didn’t mean that Magnus was. In fact, he was the complete and total opposite. He’d spent his whole life convincing himself that he was <em>not </em>his father’s son.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t need to convince Alec of something he already knew. Magnus was no monster. Just the child of a set of extremely cruel circumstances orchestrated by parents who were too selfish to take responsibility for their own failures.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t imagine a mother who would put something so awful onto her own child. As if he were capable of choosing to have an abusive stepfather or a father who had abandoned him?</p><p> </p><p>How was it possible that Magnus had kept on living?</p><p> </p><p>Alec could understand now, in some way at least, why his boyfriend retreated into himself. Why he seemed to punish himself for things that were in no way his fault.</p><p> </p><p>It kindled in him a desire, even more than before, to make sure that at least one person would be held responsible for their actions.</p><p> </p><p>Camille Belcourt might have the world fooled, but her ivory tower would come crashing down, Alec would make sure of it.</p><p> </p><p>It could be said that life wasn’t fair, but Alec didn’t really care about fairness.</p><p> </p><p>He cared about his boyfriend and helping him finally find the closure he so desperately craved. Just because it was over with Camille didn’t mean that Magnus had laid it to rest.</p><p> </p><p>Putting her behind bars would hopefully help his boyfriend come to terms with all that had happened between them. Hopefully, it would help him come to the realization that he didn’t deserve anything that Camille had put him through.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t a monster and he didn’t deserve to be punished for imaginary crimes. There was nothing that Magnus had to atone for.</p><p> </p><p>Alec only wanted to help him on his journey to healing, forgiveness, and self-acceptance. Whatever way that Magnus was willing to let him walk beside him on that road, Alec was more than okay with.</p><p> </p><p>He just wanted there to be a day where Magnus looked in the mirror and the past didn’t haunt him anymore.</p><p> </p><p>True, Magnus did a good job at pretending. He was very social and often threw raucous parties in their apartment. He’d drag Alec out dancing on the weekends and drink him under the table. There were heated poker matches between Magnus, Alec, Jace, and Izzy.</p><p> </p><p>And so much, much more. In those moments, Magnus was jovial, laughing and making jokes at everyone’s expense, to include himself.</p><p> </p><p>He was fond of telling stories, most of them true, but not all of them, of his travels. Each story having a more ridiculous ending or element to it than the last.</p><p> </p><p>But at the end of the day, Alec knew that that was all just armor. And the strongest steel in the world wasn’t tough enough to withstand the darkness lurking just beneath the façade.</p><p> </p><p>Alec hadn’t been afraid of the dark in a long time. He wasn’t afraid to stand with Magnus to show him that the darkness was only scary when you were alone.</p><p> </p><p>If Alec had a say in it, he would never be alone again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So remember how I said I hoped this one would be lighter? Whelp, my brain said yeah, nevermind make this dark as shit. </p>
<p>You have been warned. There is triggering content, especially regarding violence so if you would like to avoid that it's all italicized and you can skip past it.</p>
<p>It should also be said that this is a work of fiction. I am aware that this is not at all how NYC works. I am also not a lawyer, doctor, or police officer. Everything is simply made up in my head so take it with a massive tablespoon of salt.</p>
<p>That being said, I hope you enjoy reading.</p>
<p>Comments and kudos, as always are much appreciated!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus clutched Alec’s hand tightly as they stood together at the base of the steps of the Brooklyn P.D. The building loomed above them, as large as the fear and doubt that had been churning inside of him since they’d left the loft.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus wasn’t sure what to expect when he finally handed off his statement to the police. And if it did end up going to trial, what then?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So many questions swirled and reverberated inside of his head, and it was all he could do to stand there and not run away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Running away he was good at. When things got too messy, he always managed to find a way to detangle himself from the situation. It was why he tended not to get too close to other people. If you didn’t care, then you couldn’t get hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course, that was before he’d met Alec. Alec had changed everything. He’d made Magnus <em>want</em> to care and that was terrifying. But he’d also shown him that it was okay to be afraid. That fear and being vulnerable, could lead Magnus to happiness he thought he’d never find in anyone outside of Catarina and Ragnor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was grateful that his boyfriend had been firm about coming with Magnus today. He thought for sure Alec would tell him that he had a meeting or a project to plan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec’s schedule was most of the time just as chaotic as his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow, in the hecticness of all that, he still made time to be there for Magnus. It meant more to him than he knew how to put into words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, standing here, it was as if he had come full circle. The part of him that never thought this day would come. That he would live with the ghost of Camille and the bruises she’d left on his soul forever and never be able to revoke the stain of their relationship.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Convinced that he would stay silent for the rest of his days. He now stood at the crossroads, where he could look down and see the shadow of that long, lonely time in his life. A time when he had believed that it was best to be alone and never let anyone in. That he could survive on his own, the way he always had.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Never letting anyone in too close, not even Cat or Ragnor. Sure that in the end, they too would leave and he’d be back where he started but worse. Because then he would know what it meant to be loved and the pain of that would crush him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the other side, he could see his family. The family <em>he’d </em>chosen. Cat, Ragnor, Alec, and strangely, now Alec’s family who’d welcomed him in like their own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After his maternal grandparents had passed, he had assumed that that word was somehow lost to him. That he would not be able to relive those feelings of belonging and trust. The inexplicable and unbreakable bond of your life and being so closely intertwined with another’s.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But he’d been wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He saw now that he didn’t have to walk in the shadows and he didn’t have to live his life alone. Alec had shown him that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Part of that was leaving the past where it belonged, once and for all. He was done with Camille. Done with living each day filled with anxiety and regret. Done with having any part of her in his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was going to close that chapter of his life and walk in the sun. Now that he knew what that felt like, he never wanted to walk in the darkness again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand and leaned his head on his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wordlessly, he felt Alec’s arm wrap around his waist to pull him in closer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He let himself relax into the warmth of Alec’s touch and felt some of his anxiety slip away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus tipped his head up at his boyfriend, who was staring down at him, brows furrowed in concern.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Perfect, darling.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At Alec’s raised brow, he amended his statement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I am nervous, but you being here…it helps me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t have to do this”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, no, I want to, I <em>need </em>to do this. Alexander – “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Whatever he was about to say was abruptly cut short by J.J.’s arrival. She greeted them in her usual quiet, reserved way. She was a slim woman of average height and non-descript features.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her unassuming nature was a careful ruse, if you asked Magnus. It allowed her to blind-side anyone who dared to underestimate her. Which, despite her reputation in the city of being one of the best, there was still a surprising amount of people who did so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It made Magnus grateful to have her at his side. She’d been with him since a little after he’d decided to open his practice. The money left to him by his maternal grandparents helped in some ways, but it could never make up for how he’d been cast out by his stepfather’s family and the fact that his father had never made any attempts to actually be involved in his life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To tell the truth, Magnus hadn’t even wanted the money. He’d used it to open the practice and then donated the rest. Although his grandparents were a stalwart rock during the difficult years following his parents’ deaths, the rest of his extended family were most decidedly not. To them, he was a ghost, a shade, something that existed, but was better off not acknowledged lest you bring a curse down on your own house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus decided long ago that he was better off without them. The only people he truly needed were the ones that had made it possible for him to be here today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With difficulty, he forced those memories to the back of his mind and mustered up a smile as he returned J.J.’s greeting. Alec echoing him only a moment later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She clutched a slim leather briefcase in one hand and extended the other to clasp his hand firmly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s good to see you again, Mags.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her grip was firm and she squeezed his fingers briefly before letting go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you must be Alec”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She turned and stretched out a gloved hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gave her a shy smile in return and shook it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve heard so much about you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec chuckled, “All good things I hope?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Only the best” She winked slyly at him. Despite having known Magnus for years, they’d only ever met in brief passing as there wasn’t much reason for Alec to have met her before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Turning back to Magnus, she was once again all business.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shall we do this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “Lead the way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The three of them walked up the steps, J.J. peppering Alec with questions about his work and how he and Magnus had met.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He listened idly to their chatter and let it wash over him. The mindlessness of it helped to ease the last bit of his anxiety as they passed through the doors and into the main lobby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cold wind ushered them in and shut the doors soundly behind them. The vacuum it left behind was swiftly filled by the sounds of telephones, beeping machinery, and the constant low rumble of voices as people huddled in close groups in the lobby, spoke with officers and receptionists, and murmured their cases into the unsympathetic ears of their cell phones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They hovered uncertainly in the doorway for a moment before J.J. pulled them aside and out of the way of the doors. She pressed them into a quiet corner that did at least something to block out the cacophony of noise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait here, I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With that, she was walking across the room, her heels making faint clacking noises that were still somehow audible above the general din. Despite the various types of people loitering around, J.J. didn’t seem hindered as she made her way up to the plate glass window behind which housed the receptionist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus watched them converse for a moment. The conversation hardly lasted two or three minutes before J.J. was walking back towards them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Officer Yu will be out in a minute.” She said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus nodded shortly, not trusting his ability to speak. Officer Yu, the name was like a gut punch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The first time he’d met him, well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Camille was in one of her rages again. The offense? Magnus had forgotten to charge his phone while he was in the lab and it had died. Of course, that was a day where they had more data than they knew what to do with and he’d been stuck there for two hours past the time he usually left. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>By the time he’d gotten home, Camille was nearly incandescent with rage. She’d started in on him before he’d even gotten the door closed. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Where have you</em> been?!” <em>She’d seethed, eyes flashing and lips bared back in a grimace. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus had sighed. It had been a long day and he really wasn’t in the mood to fight with Camille, not now. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I was at the lab. I told you, Viv and I – “ </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Oh it’s</em> Viv<em> is it? Is that where you were?”</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“What are you talking about? Vivian is my co-worker and she – “ </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Coworker? Is that all she is?” Camille sneered. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus let his satchel drop to the floor and turned to face her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He kept his voice carefully level as he responded, “Yes, Camille, that is all she is. We got caught up going over data and cataloguing. I couldn’t call you because my phone died.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>There. Now she could leave him alone and he could go take a shower and collapse into bed. He moved to go around her, but realized he’d miscalculated. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Camille darted out one hand and snared his sleeve in her fist. With surprising strength, she shoved him back so that he crashed into the sofa. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The edge of it bit into his back painfully and knocked the breath from his lungs. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Instinctively, he clutched the edges of it to keep himself from falling to the floor. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“And just</em> where<em> do you think you’re going? We’re not finished here!” </em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her gaze was murderous.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Camille, please, I swear –“ </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Shut up” She cut him off, “I don’t want to hear what you have to say</em> slut. <em>The least you could do is be honest. You were out fucking her weren’t you?” </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“What? Camille, no – “ Magnus denied quickly. Having finally regained his senses he stood up and extended his hands forward pleadingly, while also trying to work out an escape route.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>But Camille was blocking the front entrance and any access he might have had to the rest of the apartment. He was trapped. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Panic welled up inside of him, cloying and asphyxiating. He desperately tried to push it down as Camille advanced on him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>Despite having almost a foot of height on her, Magnus found himself shrinking, making himself smaller</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Her hand came up, quicker than he could track as it left behind a red imprint on his cheek. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The pain was immediate and sharp, and Magnus found himself retreating further. To his dismay, the sofa didn’t even budge, but remained stubborn and as painful as ever, digging into his lower vertebrae. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em> He reached up to touch the raised mark and hissed as he made contact with the inflamed skin. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>There was a strange ringing in his head now. It was almost like he was watching the scene unfold from outside of his body. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus watched Camille’s lips form no doubt vile insults that she flung at him like flint-tipped arrows. But he couldn’t hear a word she was saying.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>All that mattered now was the desperate, survival driven instinct to flee. His heart hammered in his chest as she shoved at him, hard enough to send the sofa screeching across the floor and for him to topple onto the wooden floorboards below. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Prostrate at her feet, Magnus begged for mercy like a dedicate at temple. Beseeching an unforgiving god for forgiveness but ultimately knowing that there would be none.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The next few moments passed in a blur of agony as Camille landed blow after blow on his prone form. Until, finally, his instincts allowed him to push her away and scramble to his feet. Retreating to the safety of the kitchen and putting the island between the two of them. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>There, he leaned on the solid weight and allowed himself to breathe. His vision was hazy and it hurt every time he tried to breathe in. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’m okay, I’m okay<em> a mantra he repeated to himself, as if he said it enough times then maybe he could believe it. Even though he could feel wet warmth seeping down his side from where her shoe had cut him and his cheek still stung with the perfect impression of her hand.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>He knew that by escaping he’d probably made it worse for himself but maybe, maybe if he could put some distance between them, she’d come to her senses. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Camille,” he gasped, “please, I’m telling you” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Oh, really? You’re asking</em> me <em>to believe</em> you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Her voice rose in pitch until she was practically screaming, the sound piercingly loud in his ears. Magnus winced as she continued.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“I have been waiting for two whole fucking hours for you to come back! No idea where you were and you</em> <em>couldn’t even be bothered to</em> text<em> me”</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Baby –“ he tried. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t baby me. I told you before, Mags, we’ve had this conversation.” <br/><br/></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her tone was derisive and condescending. True, they’d had this conversation before, if that was even what you could call this. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>It was always a variation of the same thing. There were</em> rules. <em>Don’t stay out too late. Tell me when you’re coming home. Text me when you get there. Text me when you’re leaving. Tell me who you’re with. Tell me what you’re doing. Did you go out and get lunch today? Who did you go with? Send me a picture if you’re really at work. Send me a picture to show me you’re in class. I don’t believe you where are you really? And on it went.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Of course, he had the rules memorized. But it wasn’t his </em>fault. <em>Why couldn’t she just understand that? </em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He tried to be conciliatory as he responded, “I know, I know, I’m sorry”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh you’re sorry are you? What are you sorry for? Sorry that you left me here waiting around for you when I told you to be back two hours ago? Or are you sorry that you fucked around on me? Huh, which one is it?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“Camille,” he panted, the pain was making his vision go blurry at the edges. He didn’t think it was that bad but he just couldn’t</em> breathe.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No Mags. You brought this on yourself. How hard is it to send a simple message, hmm? Unless there’s something you don’t want me to know?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I-I-I told you, my phone” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s your excuse?” She laughed, but it was sharp and mocking, contemptuous even. “Do you think I was born yesterday?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I-If I show you” He paused, trying to suck in air but it felt like fiberglass in his throat, “Show you my phone, w-will you believe me?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I might.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><br/>She cocked her head, thankfully still across the room from him, and placed a single, slender finger on the tip of her chin. Then she grinned, feral </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“But you’ll have to come get it.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, no way was he doing that. That would put him back in the line of fire.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>He shook his head, “Y-you can, it’s in” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Gesturing weakly to his satchel, still sitting abandoned in the front doorway, “It’s in the front pocket” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“I knew it! You’re just proving my</em> <em>point</em> Mags” <em>She sneered as pounded her fist sharply against the wall. It left a shallow indentation behind, a matching pair to the mark she’d left on his face. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“You don’t care about me at all! You-“ </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was abruptly cut off by loud knocking at the door.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We’re not finished,” She hissed as she swung around to answer it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus breathed a slow sigh of relief, allowing his body to slump further onto the counter. He didn’t know who was at the door but it was almost as if the universe had sent a reprieve for him, if he believed in that kind of thing.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Picking his head up, he watched as Camille opened the door just enough to see outside, blocking his view of whoever was on the other side of it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He caught the murmured voices of at least two people. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, everything’s fine.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>A pause.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You can’t come in here. That’s against the law”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ah, police officers. It wasn’t the first time the neighbors had called the cops but it was the first time that the police had been this insistent on coming inside. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>There was another pause and then Camille reluctantly moved back from the doorway, allowing the officers inside. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>There were two of them. A man and a woman. The man looked to be in his early-thirties, some type of Southeast Asian descent and clean cut. The woman was tall, almost 6’ and solid. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He forced himself to straighten to his full height, wincing as it forced more pressure on his aching ribs. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Brenda, can you?” The male officer gestured with a jerk of his chin and his partner nodded. She turned to Camille and, ignoring her protests, drew her by the arm to take her outside. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Left alone, they stared at each other for a moment, neither one speaking. Magnus wasn’t</em> <em>sure</em> what<em> he looked like right now but if he was a betting man, he’d say that it wasn’t good judging by the expression on the officer’s face.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, now that she’s gone, you mind telling me what happened here tonight?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus shook his head, “I’m not sure what you mean” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>The officer sighed, “Don’t bullshit me, kid. This whole place is a wreck. Your neighbors put in a call for a domestic disturbance.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Busybodies” Magnus waved a dismissive hand, “We were just engaging in uh, hmm, how to put this politely” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Listen,” The officer interrupted him, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But looking at this place, I’m gonna guess that whatever was going on was not of the fun variety. You’re bleeding like a stuck pig.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Blearily, Magnus glanced down at his side and realized that he was right. Blood had seeped into his thin, cotton work shirt and was now rolling in slow droplets down his side. When had that happened? </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m fine.” He said. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The officer snorted, “I’m sure you are. Look, can I come over there or you come over here? I just want to make sure you’re okay.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m fine” Magnus repeated stubbornly. The man’s eyebrows nearly touched his hairline as he stared at Magnus in disbelief. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“All right, you can - come over here”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thank you” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The man crossed the room in a few short steps and guided him to lean back against the counter.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself, but my name is Officer Yu. What’s your name son?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“M-Magnus” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Air hissed out between his teeth as Officer Yu probed at his side. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“May I?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus nodded his assent, “Y-you know usually this happens in other circumstances” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu chuckled, “I bet it does.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He pushed Magnus’ shirt up so that he could see the cut and winced. Looking at it up close, Magnus had to agree. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>There was a deep gash along his right side, bleeding sluggishly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s gonna need stitches, kid. Do you want me to call an ambulance?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus shook his head vehemently, “N-no”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, okay, is there someone else I can call for you?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“My friend.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, where’s your phone?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>“’s dead” Magnus slurred. God, he couldn’t </em>breathe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Do you have a number?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus nodded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, here, use my phone and call them” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Surprised, Magnus took the phone and quickly dialled. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>Thankfully, Ragnor picked up on the first ring</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“And what, may I ask, have you been getting up to that you’re calling me from somebody else’s phone?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Somehow, Ragnor always knew it was him no matter what number he called from. In any other circumstance he might’ve laughed at his friend’s antics but not today. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“R-Ragnor”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Magnus, are you all right?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Can you come get me?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What happened? Actually, tell me later, I’ll be there in five, less than five” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus hung up and handed the phone back to Officer Yu. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“They’ll be here shortly” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“All right, I’m gonna stay with you until they get here, is that okay with you?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus nodded again. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Good. Do you have something to press onto this?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Towels” he gestured at a drawer beside the stove. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu turned and pulled one out and passed it to him. Wincing, he pressed it to his side.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, can you sit down?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He let himself be lowered into one of the kitchen chairs. Sitting down, it turned out, was more conducive to breathing than standing up had been. It was still painful but he didn’t feel like he was asphyxiating. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu took a seat opposite him and leaned forward on his hands. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Now, do you want to tell me what happened here tonight?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>When Magnus didn’t respond he sighed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She doesn’t have to know anything you tell me”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re the first” Magnus found himself saying.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“The first?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“N-no – no one believed me…before” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, I believe you Magnus, okay?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Staring into the officer’s eyes, strangely Magnus felt that he was being sincere. It didn’t seem like he was judging him, although maybe he was a bit impatient with his evasiveness. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Magnus weighed the options in his mind. If he did tell the officer what happened then, logically speaking, he didn’t necessarily have to press charges, right? And later, if questioned, he could just say that he was lying. That way, Camille couldn’t get mad and he didn’t have to face the backlash.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I was late” He began in a muted tone. “I-I’m a grad student at NYU and well, I was in the lab past when I was supposed to be.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“What do you mean?” Officer Yu interrupted gently.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Camille, my girlfriend, she…she always wants me back at eight.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu nodded but didn’t say anything. Magnus waited another moment before continuing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“U-usually I text her to let her know if I’m gonna be late…but my phone died. I-I thought it would be fine” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Writing a few notes down on a small legal pad, Officer Yu glanced at him. “Then what happened?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I came home and…she was waiting. She just – just started yelling at me. I tried to calm her down but then the next thing I know, I…I’m on the floor and she’s kicking me and –“</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He broke off as panic once again began to surge inside of him. Anxiety making his heart hammer in his chest and buzz under his skin like a live wire. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>His tongue felt thick and clumsy, his thoughts disorganized as he tried to breathe through it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The next thing I recall, I’m standing in the kitchen and then that’s when you all showed up”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu nodded. “You don’t remember anything else?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus shook his head wordlessly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, well my partner, Brenda, she’s gonna take down your girlfriend’s statement. I’m guessing that you don’t want to press charges?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus shook his head again and carefully studied the whorls of wood grain on the table. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She…she isn’t always like this, you know. Sometimes I do things and she gets angry. It’s not her fault, really.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Son, I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life or anything and I mean, I’m not in your shoes. But, there’s nothing about this that sounds like it’s your fault”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“You don’t understand,” Magnus lifted his gaze to stare the officer in the face, defiant. What did </em>he<em> know? Camille loved him.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And sure, sometimes she hit him. Sometimes she yelled at him. But in the end, if Magnus were better then she wouldn’t get so angry. How could it not be his fault? He brought these things on himself. It was just like his parents said, he was cursed. The only thing he was good for was being a problem. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu didn’t respond for a moment. He stared back at him with an expression that Magnus couldn’t quite read. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Finally, he said, “You’re right, I don’t understand. I’m just here to do my job, okay? If you don’t want to press charges I can’t make you. I can strongly recommend it, but I can’t make you. Can you do me one favor, though?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Depends on the favor” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Is there any way that you can stay somewhere else, just for tonight?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah” Magnus responded reluctantly. But he knew he wasn’t going to. Someone had to clean up this mess and Camille would be even more pissed if he did. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu studied him, his lips downturned, expression pinched. Magnus guessed he didn’t sound as convincing as he thought. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The other man didn’t comment though, just kept staring at him with that same peculiar, unreadable expression. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus found he couldn’t hold his gaze for long. Apparently, he wasn’t good at bullshitting himself either. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, well, I just need a few more things and as soon as your friend gets here, we’ll get out of your hair.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“What do you need?” Magnus asked suspiciously. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, I’m gonna need to take some pictures, if you’re okay with that?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No pictures.” Magnus stated firmly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Listen, kid. It’s just pictures. No one else has to see them, okay?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Now it was Magnus’ turn to study Officer Yu. Logically, he knew that it wasn’t the total truth. Of course someone else was going to see the pictures, that’s how filing worked. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Magnus, can I call you Magnus?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He nodded shortly.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Magnus, I’m not tryin’ pretend like I know what you’re going through right now. But I promise you, no one else is going to see these pictures, okay? Think of it like a just in case.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No” Magnus repeated firmly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu opened his mouth to speak but just then there was a loud commotion from outside. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>They both turned at the sound of the door opening. Ragnor stood framed in the entrance, still dressed in his pajamas and unicorn slippers on his feet. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>His hair was a forest green right now and stuck up in several different directions. A fluffy robe was hanging loosely off his arms. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He surveyed the carnage that was the apartment and then where the two of them sat, Magnus slumped in one of the kitchen chairs and Officer Yu leaning across the table. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus watched as Ragnor took all of it in with one sweeping glance before he zeroed in on him. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Heedless of the disaster that was currently Magnus’ living room, he rushed into the kitchen and stood protectively behind Magnus’ chair. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu got to his feet reluctantly and tipped his hat. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I can see that your friend is here. So if there’s nothing else, I should be going. Thank you for your time”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He reached into the pocket of his uniform and extended a cream-colored business card out to Magnus. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If you change your mind, here’s my personal extension” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus made no move to take the card from his outstretched fingers. Ragnor sighed and reached across him to pluck it from Officer Yu and tucked it into the pocket of his robe. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thank you” Ragnor said, smiling tightly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Officer Yu nodded and carefully made his way outside. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Once the door closed behind him, Ragnor spoke. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh, Magnus, what has she done to you this time?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nothing a few stitches and some ibuprofen won’t handle, cabbage” Magnus responded blithely. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He didn’t turn to look at Ragnor when he spoke. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stand the look of pity on his friend’s face. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor squeezed his shoulder. “Magnus – “</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I only just –“</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Magnus, really”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>“I’m </em>fine<em>” </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Besides,” he added bitterly, “It’s my own fault. I know how she is. I should’ve texted, she’s right”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor said nothing. He didn’t have to. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus broke first. “Listen, I just need some help getting to the hospital and then-“</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then you’re going to stay with me tonight”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em><br/>“But-“</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, you’re staying with me and that’s that. Now, you sit right there and I’ll grab you some clothes”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Knowing it would be useless to argue, Magnus obediently stayed in the chair. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>A few minutes later, Ragnor emerged from the bedroom carrying his overnight bag in one hand and his toiletry bag in the other. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Can you stand?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Y-yeah” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus got slowly to his feet. His side had stopped bleeding as much and some of the blood had dried, causing his shirt to stick to his skin. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor stared at the red stain on his shirt, his expression darkening. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“A few stitches?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s – that’s what I said, right?” Magnus replied, grimacing as he limped towards the front door. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“That is more than a few stitches. You look like a murder victim”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, I’m clearly not because I’m still here aren’t I? I thought when you were dead you couldn’t talk” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No need to get nasty” Ragnor tutted as he swooped to grab Magnus’ satchel from the doorway before he could even try to grab it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus scowled at Ragnor’s back but didn’t reply.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The squad car was still outside, parked in the fire lane along the sidewalk. Its lights cast blue and red strobes across the front of the row of brownstones. Several neighbors were gathered outside and Magnus did his best to not meet their judgmental gazes. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Camille leaned against the side of the squad car, arms crossed over her chest. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>She straightened when she saw them but Brenda grabbed her arm, preventing her from going to them. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor wrapped an arm around his shoulder and steered him away. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“But-“ Magnus protested, trying to wriggle his way out of Ragnor’s grasp.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No.” Ragnor said firmly, “There is nothing you need to say to her tonight. Besides, you need to see a doctor before you bleed out. How are you feeling?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>I would feel better if you would let me talk to my girlfriend” </em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Absolutely not. Your girlfriend, in case you didn’t notice, is the reason why you’re going to the hospital right now instead of sleeping”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She didn’t mean it!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The hell she didn’t! Really, Magnus, we do this every time” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She loves me” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Magnus, darling, people who care about you don’t send you to the ER”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>When he didn’t reply, Ragnor continued.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m worried about you. How long can you keep doing this?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She isn’t always like this” Magnus replied, in lieu of an actual answer. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She’s like this more times than she isn’t. You have to see, this, what you’re doing, it’s not healthy” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus shrugged out from under his shoulder, then immediately regretted it as another bolt of pain shot through his body. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It isn’t like that, cabbage” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then please, tell me Magnus, what is it like?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor’s tone was exasperated as he turned to look at Magnus. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I mean, look at you, you can barely walk right now. We are going to a hospital at almost eleven at night when I know for damn sure you have class tomorrow at 8.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I appreciate the concern, but it’s really not necessary” Magnus replied stiffly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor scoffed, but didn’t reply. They lapsed into a tense silence that lasted until they reached the underground. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>It stood between them as they took the train to the nearest open clinic. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>It stubbornly stayed as they sat in the hospital lobby, waiting for their turn to be seen. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>It lasted until the attendant called them back within five minutes of their arrival. Magnus had to grudgingly admit that maybe he had underestimated how bad it was. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor refused to sit in the waiting room and insisted on coming back with him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The attendant left them sitting in a sterile exam room with the promise that someone would be with them shortly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>A few moments passed before Magnus spoke. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, Ragnor, for earlier. I know you were just worried” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor placed a comforting hand on his knee, “It’s okay. Let’s not fight anymore, yeah?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay” Magnus agreed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He placed the hand not currently holding the towel to his side on top of Ragnor’s. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor laced their fingers together and sighed, “I am worried about you, you know. It’s just, Magnus I was afraid. When you called me…you didn’t sound like yourself” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I didn’t mean to frighten you”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s just it. I’m always frightened when – “</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Whatever he was about to say was cut short by a sharp rap at the door. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It opened to reveal a middle-aged man, slightly balding and wearing a white lab coat. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mr. Bane?” He asked looking between the two of them. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That would be me,” Magnus said. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hi, I’m Dr. Heckett. Can I ask why you’re in here today?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>It seemed kind of a silly question, seeing as how his shirt was literally covered in blood.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Ah, yes, I had an accident and well” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Right” The doctor said, his expression giving nothing away. “May I?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He gestured to where Magnus was still pressing the towel against his side. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus nodded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dr. Heckett crossed over to a small sink in the corner and quickly washed his hands. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He snapped on a pair of gloves as he approached where Magnus sat on the exam table. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m going to need you to take this off, if you can.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ragnor jumped to his feet and gently tugged on the hem of Magnus’ shirt. Managing to get it off without causing him too much pain. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“This looks pretty deep. May I ask how this happened?” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus tried to think up an excuse, any excuse, but found that for once his mind was blank. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I, um, I – “</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Magnus, can you please just tell him what really happened?” Ragnor interrupted him impatiently. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I can’t” Magnus hissed. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mr. Bane” Dr. Heckett said patiently, looking up from where he was examining his side, “You have to know that with patient confidentiality, nothing said in this room needs to leave this room. Now, I can’t help you unless I know what happened” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two against one<em> Magnus thought, grimacing.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“It was an accident really” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“People don’t kick other people accidentally” Ragnor muttered under his breath. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus glared at him but couldn’t exactly move or he would’ve probably smacked him too. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“My girlfriend and I, we had a bit of a spat and she well, she pushed me into the table” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>If the doctor felt anything at his words, he was damn good about not showing it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I see.” Straightening he moved around to Magnus’ back, “And what about this? What happened here?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“There may also have been a sofa involved” Magnus hedged. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s a pretty nasty bruise, Mr. Bane.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She didn’t mean to” Magnus insisted. Really, sometimes Camille just lost her temper. And if he got hurt, well he shouldn’t have made her angry in the first place. He didn’t even want to imagine what would be waiting for him when he got home after this.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, well how about this? I’m going to go get my assistant and we’re gonna clean up that gash you have. It’s definitely going to need a few stitches. I’d also recommend icing your back and your face. But I’ll be back in just a minute, all right?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus nodded wordlessly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, I’ll be right back.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>With that, he was gone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The sofa? You can’t be serious!” Ragnor exclaimed incredulously. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She just doesn’t know her own strength.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Do you even hear yourself? Just, just let me take a picture and I’ll show you”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fine” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus held himself as still as possible for Ragnor to take the picture. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>When Ragnor turned his phone screen around to show him, Magnus gasped involuntarily. The sight made him vaguely nauseous just looking at it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>On his back was a raised, vaguely linear welt. Around it was a mosaic of purples and blues that bled into the edges of the rest of his skin. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>No wonder his back hurt so much. He didn’t think Camille had pushed him that hard, but then again, he </em>had<em> fallen to the floor. Maybe it had happened then?</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Added to the throbbing of the bruise on his face and the aching in his side, he had to admit that he felt like death warmed over. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He forced himself to look away from the image, but it was burned into his retinas. The unsettled feeling in his stomach was still there and he couldn’t exactly ignore the matching patchwork of hues along the rest of his body. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He was lucky that she didn’t break any ribs. This time. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Something in his expression must’ve appealed to Ragnor’s better angels, because he put away his phone and took Magnus’ hand back in his. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Stroking the top of it, in a way he’d done so many times before, it made Magnus feel a little bit less alone. But it didn’t stop his friend’s words from reaching their target.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>Logically, he knew Ragnor was right. Nothing about this was okay and </em>he<em> wasn’t even sure how long he could keep doing this.</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>There was a part of him that was terrified of Camille, when she was like this. But there was another part of him that loved her anyways. She took care of him, she </em>loved<em> him. Why couldn’t anyone else see that? </em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Who else would love him? Would put up with him and his neediness, as Camille put it? </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>They sat wordlessly until Dr. Heckett re-entered with an assistant. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“All right, Mr. Bane. Chelsea here is gonna clean you up and we’ll get you on your way as soon as we can.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus nodded. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He squeezed his eyes shut as the assistant, Chelsea, gently cleaned the area and then applied a numbing gel around the edges of the wound. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>His skin tingled and he was thankful as some of the pain receded. It was strange, feeling the tug as his skin was sewn back together but without the accompanying sting. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Holding as still as possible, Magnus flinched away slightly from the touch of cool fingers on his bare skin as Chelsea carefully applied gauze. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dr. Heckett, meanwhile was probing at his other side and shook his head. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Are you sure it was just a table?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Pretty sure” Magnus gasped as he prodded at a particularly tender spot on his lower ribs. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I think you might have a couple fractured ribs. Normally, I’d send you to X-ray to confirm, but judging by your reaction I’m pretty sure they’re not broken at least.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus held still again as bandages were wound around his side.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Now, you’ll want to leave these on for a while, but make sure you take them off every now and again to give yourself time to breathe. I want you to schedule a follow up with your PCP in about a week. If the stitches haven’t dissolved by then and you see any signs of infection call your regular doctor immediately.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Got it”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“All right, now last thing, I’m gonna write you a prescription for antibiotics and a stronger dose of ibuprofen than what you get at the store. Take the antibiotic for a week and again, any signs of infection –“ </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Call my doctor”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yup” Dr. Heckett said, as he checked his bandages and gauze one more time. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Get some rest and take it easy for the next couple of days”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus nodded wordlessly as Ragnor helped him down from the table. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“You okay?” Alec’s words jolted him out of the memory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hadn’t even realized he’d drifted so far.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus considered lying but then thought better of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve definitely had better days”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m right here”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>J.J. stepped a few feet away from them, not even trying to be discreet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus shook his head and allowed his hand to slip back into Alec’s. It felt grounding, an anchor in the present that kept the past from sweeping him away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, it’s just, sometimes I feel as though I’m fine and then someone will mention a name”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And it sweeps you back under”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Exactly”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where did you go?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“To the first time Officer Yu and I met.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec gazed down at him, frowning. “I’m guessing that it wasn’t a good memory”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus shook his head and stared at the floor, not quite able to meet his gaze. “No, not quite”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by the sound of J.J. approaching.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s ready for us now.” She gestured at a door that neither of them had even noticed had opened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Framed in the doorway was Officer Yu, much how Magnus remembered him. They’d communicated off and on over the years, although he wasn’t what Magnus would call a friend. More like a sounding board when he felt like he was about to go off the deep end. In all that time, he’d never stopped pressuring Magnus to formally file charges against Camille.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, it seemed, he was finally going to get his wish.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, Magnus, it’s good seeing you well.” Officer Yu greeted him with a bright grin. “And who is this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is my boyfriend, Alec. Alec, this is Officer Yu.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nice to meet you”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They shook hands and then Officer Yu gestured for them to follow him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>J.J. led, while Alec and Magnus trailed behind. They passed rows of desks, all of them seemingly overflowing with mountains of paperwork and other detritus that never seemed to interfere with the work of the person who occupied them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The air smelled faintly of burnt coffee and the bitter tang of ink and paper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It stung Magnus’ nose as they wended their way to a glass walled office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Officer Yu ushered them inside and closed the door behind them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sat behind a large, dark brown wooden desk that looked like it had been there since at least the last century if not longer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a small placard bearing his name perched on one corner and two computer monitors crowded together at the other end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A still hot cup of coffee stood like a sentinel perched between the two.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Officer Yu reached for a stack of papers that guarded the placard on the right hand side of the desk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Before we begin, I just want to make sure that you’re aware, Magnus, that whatever is said in this room can be admissible if you choose to file charges. Do you understand?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good, now, I will also be recording this interview with your permission”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“As we discussed” J.J. interjected.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right, right” Officer Yu replied, congenially. “Now, your lawyer provided us with a dossier that I believe was independently compiled. However, given that everything is dated and corroborated by phone calls made to our department by various individuals as well as reports, there’s not much to be thrown out. Should this go to trial that will work in your favor.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus breathed a slow sigh of relief. “So, you believe me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, Magnus, this is damning evidence. I’ve spoken with a few others and they all agree that you have a pretty significant case here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Logically, it couldn’t be that <em>everyone </em>believed him. There was always going to be somebody who would doubt the veracity of his experience. However, it made something that had been tightly coiled inside of him release slightly at the idea that Officer Yu still believed him all these years later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve read over your statement. I just need you to state for the record that everything contained within it is true to the best of your knowledge. Then, I’m gonna need you to sign at the bottom. I trust, Ms. Reynolds, you’ve already read through and advised your client about the content of his statement?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, sir. Magnus and I have taken what he remembers and written it down to the best of our ability.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good. Now, Magnus if you would”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Officer Yu extended a pen out to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus took it from his fingers and signed his name with a flourish at the bottom. Was this real? Was this <em>actually</em> happening?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And what would be the repercussions of this?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’ll happen next is that I’m going to be handing this off to a close colleague of mine. Now, don’t worry, it’s more to avoid any possible insinuation that I’ve influenced anything to do with the case.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec placed a comforting hand on his knee as Magnus tensed at the words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They’ll be in touch with you should we end up serving Ms. Belcourt”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should you end up serving her?” Alec asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well yes, legally we cannot say for certainty that we can charge her. There is a high likelihood given what has been provided, but we will need to file all of this in order to do so.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nothing to worry about,” J.J. said, “The process can take a while, but it’s usually just a formality.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Officer Yu nodded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay, so now what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now, we wait.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So to clarify some things. </p>
<p>When Magnus says he can't breathe, that's because he's having a panic attack. That being said, in most normal circumstances no one walks around when they're bleeding. However, this is a work of fiction and we're just gonna suspend the normal laws of physics lol. </p>
<p>Also, yes, most police officers do not act like Officer Yu in this fic. Again, I didn't want to make it super political or anything. Everything to do with the law enforcement in this fic is mostly idealistic and I'm aware that it's not reality. But sometimes I'd like to believe that it could actually happen this way, you know? </p>
<p>Anywho, I think those are the main two things I wanted to say. As always, I welcome constructive criticism or any suggestions on how to improve. </p>
<p>There will be another chapter most likely though, um, when that will happen I'm not sure. My writing process is usually whenever I feel inspiration which is why it takes me so damn long.</p>
<p>But I hoped you enjoyed reading! Fingers crossed I can actually make the next one be a little bit lighter than this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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